So, I get it.
You decided to go to that social event, playgroup, or conference and now you’re nervous about it and want to back out.
What if you have no one to talk to? What if everyone else knows each other? What if you have nothing in common? What if you feel stupid? What if…?
It happens almost every time I commit to something of a social nature (aside from small gatherings where I am really close with everyone). And the thing is? I am a rather social person. I get a lot of energy after going to a party and talking with new people.
And yet. Almost every single time, I start to think, “Well, maybe I should just stay home and get something done here instead.” Or, “The weather is kinda bad and it’s so warm inside.” It’s really my nervousness about being in a new situation speaking, not my desire to stay home and be lazy. (Usually. Though sometimes my sweatpants are particularly comfortable.)
Every now and then, I do let myself be a flake and stay home, but every single time I decide to go and be social? I am so glad I did. As much as I love the internet (hiii, internet!) and all the wonderful people here, there is nothing quite like getting to spend time with folks in person. Sure, I could tweet and Facebook and text all day long, but that doesn’t fulfill my need for actual, human connection. Even when I try to convince myself that, “Eh, I don’t really need that. Not today.” it’s often because I’m being a wimp.
So this is my reminder to myself – you never regret going to that social gathering, that conference, that book club meeting, that play date. Worst case scenario: it’s awkward for a few minutes. Most likely: you have a great time, learn something, connect with someone, and are actually kinda proud of yourself for stepping outside your comfort zone.
Now I’m mom to a preschooler who’s rather shy, so I want to do my best to model courage in social situations. I’m far from a wallflower when I actually *go,* but I just need to courageous enough to try something new. To be vulnerable and put myself out there without worrying (too much) about feeling stupid or awkward. That connection isn’t only found behind the comfort and safety of my keyboard, but in the awesome community I’m lucky enough to live in.
(This kind of sounds like I’m some anxiety-ridden recluse. Not at all! I just get a little nervous almost every time I go to something where I’m not good friends with everyone else going. I go. I just get nervous.)
On that note, I think I’m finally going to sign up and go to a local WordPress meetup.
What if I feel stupid? What if I feel like a novice? What if they are all weird? What if I am incredibly awkward?
OR…
What if it’s freaking awesome and I make local connections with people with similar interests and careers? What if I finally feel like someone local gets what I do without a long explanation? What if I learn something new? What if I’m really glad I went?
As an introvert, I particularly relate to this post. Great reminder, and thanks for writing it!
YES! I’m always dilly-dallying before going somewhere new and have never regretted getting out of the house to meet new people. As a new stay-at-home mom, it’s been tough to get ourselves out the door to meet new moms, but it’s been so worth it so far. Thanks for the reminder to JUST GO! :)
This is a GREAT post. And something I do all the time. Glad to know I’m not alone!
With the qualifier that I am very introverted (not shy! just introverted!) and have pretty strong sensory issues . . . I found that I was much less afraid to Go Anywhere once I had my own car. Part of my intense reluctance to attend anything at all was due to relying on other people for rides — I felt like I had to wait until the driver was ready to leave, or the whole group if it were a carpool, or if my parents were picking me up at a specific time in middle/high school (especially pre-cell phones). I couldn’t just leave when I was done (or overstimulated or exhausted). Now that I arrive and leave when I want and/or need to do so, I’m more likely to make it out my door.
(Also, I bring the dog whenever I can. She’s excellent in public and visiting other people.)
I’ve been feeling exactly this so much lately! I’m very introverted and sometimes nervous in groups, but every time I’ve forced myself to be social lately I’ve enjoyed it.
I wish I could say the same for forcing myself to date, though. I usually just feel miserable after going on a date or to a singles event.
Half the plans I make, especially at night, I end up missing . During the day, I too have things to get done at home, and at night I’m tired. Since having a kid, it’s much harder to get home, do dinner, bathe her and put her to bed and then dress up to go out where I have to be chipper and interesting. The driving, too, can be an insurmountable obstacle: in Houston, you have to drive on big highways and there are drunk people out driving these roads, especially on the weekend. And, is it really worth the gas?
I feel the same way! Most of the time I force myself to go out for the kids – they love play dates, story time, etc., even if the thought of packing two kids up, lugging our enormous stroller down two flights of stairs, and then pushing the thing down the slushy street is not my idea of a fantastic (or productive!) way to spend the morning. I find it’s a lot easier to be “brave” for them – if I have plans to go somewhere by myself, if I don’t know someone else who is going to be there I get ridiculously nervous and I usually find a reason not to go!
LOVE THIS!
Ha, I could’ve wrote this post. I’m social too, but that does not stop me from getting anxiety before an event about the awkwardness that I am convinced will happen and very rarely actually does.
You’re right! Just go to the WordPress event. I am the EXACT same way… Very extroverted, but I feel much more confident with other people, so nervous on my own. Great post.
I can so relate to this post! As an introvert, I am often making plans to miss out on social gatherings that do not involve the people within my comfort zone. Especially after work dinners with work people. But on the occasions I do attend, I have found that I enjoy them quite a lot! And Once I am into it, I do tend to talk a lot and do manage to be interesting! ;) I guess its just the inertia or maybe the comfy sweatpants as you said :)
I am the same way. But I’m also more social in smaller situations. I often find in large groups I become the quiet one. And with the whole never regret going – so true – just like not regretting a workout that you did. The hardest one for me is networking events. I force myself to go because word of mouth is a great for my business. There was one in December I went to and the first lady I talked to was like “Uh is this your first time at one of these?” I know I had a deer in headlights look. Every time!! GAH.
This is me more than I’d like to admit. I have generalized anxiety and sometimes I am more introverted than I used to be and have to force myself to just GO. I love yoga pants waaaaaay more than jeans and makeup. :) Thanks for posting this!
Yoga pants > social plans. I totally get that (more and more now that my schedule is infinitely more complicated with a kid). But, did you know sweatpants are in fashion? No, seriously, they are. Check it out: http://www.luckymag.com/style/2013/12/how-to-wear-fancy-sweatpants_slideshow_During-Cocktail-Hour_3. So … stay in those sweatpants. Throw on a pair of heels. And you’ll have the best of both worlds!
This sounds very similar to my experiences with social anxiety. Of course, I don’t know for certain if this is what also causes your hesitation, but just knowing about it has helped me feel braver in social situations. I also get anxious about doing things (anticipatory) but once I’m there I’m fine, so “just go” rings especially true! There is such a stigma that surrounds people who are shy, introverted, socially anxious, and etc., and sometimes it really gets to me, so your post was especially meaningful. Thanks!
Oh I relate SO much! Especially since you say you actually do love socializing and you feel happy and energized afterwards… me too!! Overall I’d say I’m an extrovert, but sometimes getting over that hump of nervousness/awkwardness is so hard for me, especially if it’s some kind of professional gathering… I’ve only been out of school for two years (I actually can’t even believe it’s THAT long) so I just feel like such an awkward, unconfident newbie all the time!