This weekend, I went to the mall with my sister and ended up buying a rather cute dress (in black). Being in the mall usually overwhelms me, but this time it triggered a desire to indulge in a shopping spree – I had an inexplicable yearning to buy things, anything. (I ended up spending $6 on a clearance Gap tank and $25 on that dress. Spree averted!)
This time of year, the urge to spend money is always noisier and more difficult to resist for me. Perhaps it’s because of a decade of back-to-school clothes and dorm shopping. Perhaps it’s because I need an excuse to get out of the house and spend time in air conditioning. Whatever it is, I’ve had a hard time reminding myself that spending money doesn’t make me happy. I think the clothes I buy will make me happier. The storage bins, the throw pillows, perhaps a bottle of nail polish. And while it’s true for a day, it doesn’t bring me real, lasting happiness. It gives me a bit of a happy high: “I love this new dressssss! How cute and stylish am I!?” but then the excitement wears off and I want to buy something else.
I have to remind myself that I have four garbage bags full of clothes I’m not wearing. That having less junk and more space in my house makes me happier and is better for the planet and our budget. Marketing and advertising are phenomenally effective on me – I convince myself that purchases can make me happier, thinner, prettier, more successful, and more calm. Here’s the thing: If I am not already working towards those things on my own, no amount of money spent at Target is ever going to make me happier, thinner, prettier, more successful, and more calm.
It’s not that spending money will never bring me happiness or that a temporary happy fix is somehow a bad thing, it’s just that I must constantly combat the idea that stuff makes me happy before I fill my house with junk and spend our hard-earned savings. That my stuff makes me who I am.
Here is how I am combatting this:
Don’t go shopping. The first step in combatting the urge to spend myself into happiness is to not go into stores. If I don’t enter, I won’t buy or covet. Period.
Okay, you can go shopping, but only if you go with a LIST. If I think of something we need, I write in on a list, so when we go to Target, I’ll remember all the odds and ends (floss, contact solution, tea) I want to get without aimlessly wandering the aisles and surely picking up some things I don’t need. DO NOT ENTER THE CLOTHING SECTION, ASHLEY. I AM SERIOUS.
Declutter. We’ve moved four times in our nearly five years of marriage and every time, I get all crazy and scream “WHERE DID ALL THIS SH*T COME FROM!?” (I rarely use profanity when not being burned or otherwise injured, so you know I mean business) (except Mike – he thinks I mean ‘laugh at Ashley attempting to swear – isn’t she so cute?’) Then I vow to never buy anything ever again ever because I hate packing. Decluttering usually reminds me of this feeling. Once I start to dig around and see how much stuff we have (which is sizable, despite my constant efforts to get rid of things), I feel less of a desire to acquire more things. Bonus: less clutter makes me happier.
No shopping emails. I unsubscribed from all deal sites (Groupon, Living Social, BabySteals) and emails from online shopping. It’s remarkable how much of a difference that makes; if it’s not on my radar, I don’t check the site. I don’t convince myself I could really use this (which, most of the time, isn’t all that great of a deal anyway – a better deal is just not buying it).
That’s always been my secret, just don’t go shopping. lol I only go clothes shopping if I need something in particular or during the tax free weekend. I’ve found it’s much easier to avoid temptation if you don’t stroll there a specific section to just browse.
I needed to hear this today! Thank you!
Oh, how I needed to read this post today! I wrote a similar post recently (http://citymousespeaks.blogspot.com/2012/07/saying-goodbye-to-new.html) but that didn’t stop me from buying clothing at both Old Navy and Target this very weekend. Granted, they were more well thought out purchases than normal, but I am really going to take your tips to heart and have a fresh start today.
Hi! Long time reader, first time commenter. EVERYTHING about this post resonates with me, especially your last words of wisdom “a better deal is just not buying it”. Totally true and I tell myself the exact same thing all the time. Thanks for the amazing post as always :)
I unsubscribed to all the deal sites too and it really has made a HUGE difference! I rarely bought anything from them anyway, but just thinking about it made me want to shop more.
Everything in this post is so real for me. I get such bad anxiety when I do happen to go to the mall because I want to spend so bad on things I don’t need. My mom and I bonded when I was little by going to the mall and she would put everything on her credit card (she is still paying it off). I usually only end up spending a little bit when I do go like $3 on flip flops at Old Navy – it is the only thing that doesn’t give me guilt afterwards knowing I will wear them all summer. Not walking into the store period is the only way I don’t spend. I am glad I am not the only one who feels these things from a walking around a mall!
After years of feeling like I had to spend and buy to find worth in myself, I’m finally learning that whatever “stuff” I buy, it doesn’t make me happy. I don’t refrain from purchases completely, but I’m definitely more careful and thoughtful before a purchase. We, too, are trying to purge as much as possible. And I’ve quickly realized that stuff makes me unhappy. And I want less of it. Less clutter, less of things taking up my space and mind. Good to know there are like-minded people :)
I’m a short time reader, first time commenter too!
I need the message in this post every day, sometimes twice. Raw honesty here strikes a cord deep in me. Love the message on the Peace cup. Will write that one down.
Another combative technique is to build allies like you are here on your blog and in comments section.
Saying it out loud like you, Ashley and fellow commeters are, takes the power out of it, makes it easier to live true to what we really want.
I’m super sensitive to all advertising. The mental gymnastics once I see “it” is really difficult to reckon with.
Brianna, thank you for sharing your insight about bonding with your mom and shopping. I have a similar connection. Most enlightening to hear the way you put it.
For me, shopping with my mom was one of the few times I got her undivided attention (we all needed that as kids). She was so kind to me, smiled a lot, nurtured me when we shopped. She treated me like I was all grown up which I enjoyed too. We had a lot of fun on those shopping trips. Maybe there’s something from the past that I can unravel which will allow me to live more free in the present. Will be thinking on this…
Thank you Ashley. Your blog and insights are a gold mine of support for changes I’m making and my now-forming new plans.
my grandmother used to talk about how much money she saved buying things on sale at the store. But I saw how much this stuff piled up unused in the house and knew that not buying it at all would have saved more. The shear terror of becoming a pack rat has always guided me towards keeping it lighter, though I struggle too with advertising and wants especially with clothes.
We all have wasted money and resources and time on unneeded shopping.
You know how I do now? I ask myself “do I REALLY need it?” “would I come back tomorrow again to buy it?” “is it likely that I’ll never find such a wonderful cloth again in the world? ever?” then, I usually realize that I’m not going to buy anything, and I feel sort of liberated. A deep sense of freedom (true freedom) pervades me, and I just look at the immense amount of stuff and people around it with a big “are we crazy or what??” on my face.
Of course, sometimes I decide to buy instead. I come back the day after and I never regret. I get new stuff from time to time (also, a two-months rotation of cloths is helpful) and I am decluttering.
Doing this since one year or so and happy with that ;)
p.s. I still have an addiction for teas and infusions. Like, I have stocks for a decade…
p.p.s. … and to your blog. But it does not count as shopping and doesn’t make me feel thinner, so I guess it’s ok.
I love this. I stopped reading and subscribing to magazines a few years ago, and that made a huge difference. Once I stopped thinking about things I didn’t have, I didn’t want as much. I might unsubscribe from Groupon, etc. too because really, why? I have come a long way in minimalism, but I still want to go through and ruthlessly get rid of stuff. I just like having less stuff. It’s better. Great post, friend.
I think we all need this reminder from time to time. For me, the biggest temptation to shop comes from reading style blogs. I was always left feeling like my life would be just as “glamorous” if I wore something similar even though I know that isn’t true. So I stopped reading them. Clearance/Sale racks are another weakness that I’m trying to work on. As my husband loves to remind me, it doesn’t matter how cheap it is if you never wear it.
I have had a particularly spend-y week (bought a new Macbook on Monday) so I’m making a reaaaaally conscious effort to scale back for a couple months. There are some pricey events coming up – we need a “big baby” carseat for Eli, birthdays, going back to work, and Christmas looming – so I need every little bit of motivation I can get! This post comes at a perfect time. I’ll be trying to round out the summer enjoying experiences rather than new things: having my morning coffee on the deck, going for walks and to the beach with Eli, using my library card, playing tennis at the free courts in our neighbourhood, inviting friends over for a potluck barbecue rather than going out to eat.
These all sound like awesome pointers. I sometimes strugle with the shopping have more emotional and material value than it really should. i’m glad you worte this post. Cheers to cooking more than eating out. :)
Such a great post! I think we all could benefit from thinking this way. If you really want to keep yourself from buying anything ever again, just watch hoarders. I start getting rid of stuff every time I watch the show! I totally agree, that the less you have, the less you have to clean. Less cleaning makes me a happy girl!
It is so true that in the moment we think buying some new item (insert anything you like here) will make us happier. But truly, it is only momentary happiness. I would rather spend my money on experiences anymore than things. Don’t get me wrong, I still like to shop every now and then, but I too have to write a list, or I am doomed! :)
I am totally with you on unsubscribing from emails. I feel so much less pressure to buy stuff when I don’t get that crap in my inbox. It’s such a relief not to worry about it!
Yes! Minimalism has been the best thing to happen to me. I was acting in a minimalist fashion for a while before knowing what it was. Now that I have done some reading and really put the strategies into action I am seeing a huge difference in how I feel. I still have a LOT of things. I’m afraid to count because I know the amount of items in my home is well over a thousand even though I live in a studio apartment. I’ve done all of the things you do to curb my spending. Another thing I do is remind myself of what I could do with the money, like get a massage or buy that dress I absolutely love. I realized that I have denied myself more expensive clothing that I adore because it is “too much money” when in reality, all of my little $5 purchases here and there add up to the price of the dress. When it comes down to it do I want something that is cheap just to have more or do I want one thing that I feel fits my personality and makes me feel awesome when I wear it?
That was a long rant. I don’t *write* minimally, I see. :)
My spending habits can be considered excessive at times, but I do most of the big spending twice a year and I always create lists. I reduced my amount of books by buying them for a Kindle instead of having a lot of books. I also read magazines this way and don’t really subscribe to paper ones anymore. The magazines I do have paper copy subscriptions of go to my mom, who I live with, but when I do splurge, it’s on things like notebooks. So, I have to constantly remind myself to stop buying so many notebooks. This list is extremely helpful for me. Thank you.
I need to remind myself of this as well!