(me on the right, age 5)
I would tell her I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that the ads tell her she needs to look perfect.
That she can never age.
That she is responsible for getting her man to stay with her. And also responsible for making sure they “don’t get the wrong idea.”
I’d tell her, I’m so sorry we don’t always feel safe.
I’m sorry that when she goes running, she’ll try to memorize the faces of the men she passes in case she needs to identify them in a police lineup.
That she needs to be gorgeous, have a perfect body, AND be smart. But not too smart.
I’d tell her I know, it’s so unfair. Why aren’t the men in media held to the same standards as women? Why is it that a male actor doesn’t need to be attractive to be successful, but a female actor does?
I’d tell her many things and hope to raise her strong and confident and combat those voices in her head telling her she’s not enough, telling her she could be a little skinnier, a little prettier, a little less…her.
But I don’t have a daughter. I have two sons, so I will try to teach them to be the kind of men who make the world safer. To speak up when their friends say something sexist or objectifying. To know that women are equal. To be feminists and recognize when women aren’t represented well and say something about it. To use their position of privilege and comfort as white males to address inequality.
I hope they are comfortable being different, but have courage with the confidence they are doing the right thing.
I hope they know that they don’t have to buy into the myth of masculinity being about how aggressive you are, how much whisky you can drink, how chiseled your biceps are, and how much you know about football. And most of all, the myth that objectifying women is normal and acceptable since “boys will be boys.”
I always thought I’d have daughters, but raising my sons to be strong, independent fighters of justice might just the most important thing I ever attempt.
(I’m so incredibly lucky to have a husband who embodies all of this.)
You’re sons are lucky to have you as their mama. I really hope to have a daughter someday and will say many of the same things to her. Hopefully by that time, things will be a tad better.
I really wanted daughters, too! If you don’t get that, it turns out raising boys is pretty awesome, too. :) I guess we don’t always know what we need.
Wonderful post, Ashley! Changing the world one little boy at a time–not a bad job–not easy but so rewarding♡
Well, Mike blames (credits) you for his wonderfulness! :)
The older that I get, the more feminist I become. I don’t have a daughter either, but like you- I will teach my son, and that is just as important.
Same! (And So many people assume they’re off the hook if they’re raising a boy. NOPE. ;))
I agree so much! This actually has been so much on my mind of late (mom of a 12 year old here).
I always wanted a daughter to raise her to become a strong woman. But I’m a mom to sons, too and I agree with you that this might be a even more important job when it comes to making the world a better place for all genders.
Boys could go through the world not thinking about sexism, but girls don’t have that luxury. So! We can raise awesome boys. :)
i loved this <3 and i'm doing my best to do the same over here with my boyos, one day at a time……
Oh my gosh!!! Your boys are the BEST and I hope my little girl will one day grow up and marry a boy just like yours (in fact if it is one of yours that would be awesome)!!
I love this. Thank you :-)
Absolutely love this. And those boys are so lucky to have you as their mama. I hope I can instill these principals in kiddo too. xo
This is so beautifully written. You and Mike are fantastic examples to Gabe and Theo.
Thank you, friend! <3
I love this.
Reading this made me so happy.
Wow! Very well said! As a college student I only stay friends with the men who respect the women they are around….honestly it has made all the difference. I have a lot fewer male friends than my other friends, but it is well worth it!
Thank you Ashley. I hope my daughter (and future daughters or sons) grown up in classrooms surrounded by little boys like yours!