Hooray for spring!
1. I am three days (really? only three days!?) into this no Twitter/Instagram/Facebook thing and it already feels quieter. Over the last year, I have drastically reduced how much time I spend on social media thanks to Hootsuite and lists, but it still became a compulsion to check those sites mindlessly. I heard Hayley describe it as the “Bermuda Triangle” when you compulsively check Facebook then Twitter then Instagram on your smartphone or the internet, which I totally relate to. I do it without thinking, to procrastinate, when I’m not sure what step to take next in a project, or every time I take a breath. Taking those option away completely is a great reset button. But I also really miss keeping up with folks that way. HOW ARE YOU GUYS?
2. Gabe knows all of the words to the lullaby Mockingbird. That was the cutest moment of my life, when he started singing along with me one night. He is also seriously obsessed with Trouble (Walk of the Earth’s amazing version) and Gang of Rhythm. Seeing a tiny two-year-old do the Taylor Swift yell is pretty much the highlight of my experience of motherhood at this point.
3. Things continue to feel…less horrible. I can read Gabe the “New Baby” Berenstain Bear book (he loves that one) without being sad and pregnancy tests are almost negative (wishing for a negative pregnancy test feels so weird). The only thing I’m not sure how to address is when a friendly acquaintance (who doesn’t know about the miscarriage) asks me if we have #2 on the way. Do I tell them “Nope!” or explain, “Well, actually I just had a miscarriage.”? I do think that sharing our miscarriage experiences is important. (Mike continues to be baffled by how many friends came out to support us and shared their own experiences: “It’s so common, but why doesn’t anyone talk about it!?”) But, miscarriage is also incredibly personal (she says as she writes on her public blog). And I don’t want to be thought of as vulnerable or get The Pity Face. I told him no, but was left wondering what I should do next time…
4. The weather is downright delightful. 70s and sunny for an entire week. This weekend is supposed to follow suit and it makes such a difference in my mood – this ability to be outside and soak up sun and spend time lying in the grass with Gabe. I do think it’s been enormously helpful to moving forward. If it was snowy and cold and dark, I’d be wallowing and inside. It’s really healing to spend some time outside, you know?
5. After being pregnant (I got a belly IMMEDIATELY), then coping with NOT being pregnant by eating delicious baked goods, I have some extra fluff to lose. It’s so hard to get out of the mindset of eating-as-reward-for-suffering; regaining self-control is not something I am good at (see: #1). I’ve used LoseIt a few days here and there to help me be mindful of what a reasonable day should look like. And make me aware of just how many calories alcohol has in it. Also, peanut butter M&Ms. I’m trying to exercise now that the weather is nicer and the days are longer (SPRING!). I even got up to go running before work this morning for the first time….ever? Since I have to be at work 7:30, it never crossed my mind to fit in a run before work. I just really want my clothes fit me properly again. I don’t have back up clothes. It’s this or yoga pants, my friends.
Glad to see you’re hanging in there, maybe even getting better?! I’m sure it’s hard to determine the right level of friendship to share your miscarriage news. You surely wanted to share the news with your parents, but probably don’t feel a need to say anything to the neighbor’s you’re saying hi to in the elevator. The question is where to draw the line. And really, only you know what feels comfortable and right. Maybe the circle of “in the know” expands with time, when things aren’t so fresh and as it becomes easier to talk about it.
I’m using the My Fitness Pal app to track calorie intake. It’s been so eye-opening regarding how quickly calories add up. But, for me, it’s also been very freeing. I still CAN eat the snacks I like … but, it means there is a trade-off somewhere else in my day … which translates into eating those snacks less often. So far so good. Hope your system works for you, too!
New Reader! :) I tried hootsuite and it still very hard to pull myself away from social networking. I tried the month long cleanse and it was hard…argh!!
Yay, glad you are checking in via the blog :)
Yea- thats an awkward situation and right there is why people shouldn’t ask questions like when is #2 on the way?! But anyways- I almost feel like in that moment it’s best to just say “not yet” or something just to avoid the response haha.
Anyway, great job getting up and running and trying to eat healthy. Not that yoga pants would be a terrible wardrobe… haha
First I want to say how much I love your honesty. It can be so hard to put such raw feelings out into this space, but I also know how rewarding it can be, too.
I know what you mean about wanting to share when someone asks. While I haven’t miscarried, I often get asked (after I’ve coughed) if I’m sick. I always say it’s allergies or a cold or just a simple “no,” but I also leave feeling as if I should have said more. Mainly because it IS so important to talk about the things that people don’t talk about. To spread awareness and connect on a level you might not otherwise. But it’s also hard (and awkward!) to spill the truth sometimes. Just know that what you’re doing here on this blog is amazing. It’s having a conversation that is hard for many, and is helping countless other people in the process. xo
Maybe say, “Not anymore; unfortunately, I recently suffered a miscarriage.”
I think it’s important to mention because people have no filter when it comes to inappropriate questions (and inquiring about when you’re going to have another child is inappropriate). Your response might make them think twice about asking that question.
So happy you are starting to feel better. And yes- thank god for the winter finally, finallly going away!
As for the acquaintances, I have a friend who miscarried and at first kept it quiet while she grieved. A few months later she felt comfortable telling people when they asked when she and her husband would start their family (as people tend to do). I think you should do exactly what feels comfortable to you with that person. An acquaintance who you think will give you pity face or who is socially awkward at the best of times is very different than one who you know is genuine and empathetic.
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a couple weeks (or a lifetime) of yoga pants, friend. Sounds like you’re doing so many wonderful things to reclaim the happiness & help the sadness subside, & I think that’s absolutely commendable & incredible. And if there were a few baked goods along the way? So be it, my dear.
One of my favorite things about you: your upbeat voice and positivity even when I know it’s hard to feel it and/or you may not be feeling that way (if that makes sense)?
Also, you may not have meant for it to be funny, but the no back-up clothes (yoga pants or this) line made me laugh as I am the same way! I’ve been tracking food and exercise for awhile now and I’m noticing differences in the way my rear end sits (higher!), the definition in my arms, the looseness (even if it is subtle) in my pants. Every little bit helps! All this to say = you can do it!
Big hugs.
I wouldn’t use Apps like “MyFitnessPal” for too long, though … I noticed that it was 1. time-consuming, 2. made me hyper-aware (read: I wasn’t properly listening to my body any more) and 3. got slightly addicting. It’s great to actually get aware how much you intuitively eat/need in general and also what ratio of macronutrients seems the best (for me, my body intuitively wanted a ratio of around 50 (carbs) – 30 (fat) – 20 (protein).
Glad to read it’s all getting better!
Oh, giiiiiiirl, Bermuda Triangle is right! I can’t tell you how many times I log into Facebook to ‘just find the address for that party’ and then lose myself in someone’s vacation photos. I had to download LeechBlock to control myself!
You know, I can really relate to your number 3… I never had a miscarriage, but I mean just in general, there are often personal things in someone’s life and people ask – supposedly – harmless questions and one is left wondering how much to open up.
I think it depends on the person who asks and your own comfort level. Yes, I think sometimes it’s good to be open about it, but sometimes it’s also smart to not tell every person.
I am glad that you’re slowly feeling a little better.
Also, yes, the Bermuda Triangle. I’ve been there one too many times ;)
Love this article. I deleted my FB over a year ago and have never tweeted. It just seems so irrelevant and pointless. If this is the best that technology can give us, then I don’t need technology. It all gives the illusion of connectedness, but we still live in a physical world. The more we distance ourselves from the physical world the more disconnected we are. Catch 22 eh? You don’t need apps to lose weight. Just walk out your door. Take a walk. Ride a bike. Feel sunshine on your face. Take a nap. I mean, it’s not that hard. Unplug and all this stuff on the internet, social media, it’s all marketing designed to draw you in.