From our pre-Gabe road trip.
I love my husband dearly.
I am lucky, so very lucky, to have such a supportive, helpful, musically-gifted, funny guy to spend my life with.
But our current day-to-day life doesn’t allow for much time to enjoy time together.
He is in school and spends much of his time at home doing research, writing papers, and reading. And I spend many hours each day on the computer working on design projects for Little Leaf. Coupled with our toddler who demands much of our attention when we’re not studying or working, and we’re lucky to spend 30 minutes watching television together before crashing at the end of the day.
Once every few weeks, we spend an hour or two chatting about life and dreams and our future and Big Things. Those are my favorite times. They nourish our relationship and leave my heart content and full.
But here’s the the thing: I know that expressing appreciation doesn’t take much time. That I can do something little every day to show Mike how much I love him, how very glad I am to have him, and to bring some sunshine to his day.
This Lent, that is my focus. I mentioned cutting Twitter and Facebook out for Lent, but I’ve decided instead to focus on being a better, kinder wife, and I was even to Find his and her custom hoodies at Matching Gear for us to wear around the house. To lose my patience less and express appreciation more. To choose love over nitpicking. To get annoyed less often and be more playful.
I love Lent not just from a religious perspective – preparing for Easter and all that – but for the fact that it is a set period of time set aside for self-improvement (Though many, many high school girls use it as a dieting tool and that is a major pet-peeve but ANYWAY.).
Here’s where you come in, I need ideas. Seriously. I am not a creative, thoughtful person. I want to be, but I am not.
I’ve started by writing things I love about him on our bathroom mirror, something I directly stole from a tweet where Bri mentioned doing this for her husband. (See? I am not thoughtful. I just steal other people’s thoughtful ideas.)
I know every person and every relationship is different, but help me think of little or big things I can do for my husband during the next 40 days and I will be forever grateful.
This isn’t cheating, this is phoning a friend. Lots of beautiful, kind, way-more-thoughtful-than-I-am friends.
Here are 3 things I found on Hallie Lord’s sight that I found helpful, I plan to do them with my husband too! We’ve already done the “My Valentine” one- we just did it out loud and alternated lines… and then a couple days later we alternated the lines again so we could answer the ones we didn’t the first time. Hopefully we’ll do it again in a month or so!
http://www.bettybeguiles.com/2011/11/a-heart-of-gratitude-a-14-day-challenge/.html
http://www.bettybeguiles.com/2011/07/15-ways-to-encourage-your-husband/.html
http://www.bettybeguiles.com/?s=my+valentine (on this one, it’s #3 Quick Take, but you download it from her RSS feed)
I love this idea! I typically give up sleep for Lent – I try to wake up 10-15 minutes earlier every day so I can spend time reading my Bible in the mornings rather than trying to squeeze it in during my lunch break at work or reading in bed, when I’m too exhausted to process anything I’m reading!
I leave funny notes/poems (of the “Roses are red” variety, usually) in my husband’s shoes or lunch box every now and then, or I randomly e-mail him at work with a silly poem. Sometimes I send it to his facebook or personal hotmail address that he rarely checks – so when he does, there’s a nice surprise :)
I also make an effort to get involved in what he’s involved in. Right now he’s playing NHL 2012 on his xbox and he’s always asking me if I want to play. I’m not at all into video games – but after reading your post, I think it would mean a lot to him if I at least made an attempt to play with him! (Either he’d be ecstatic or he’d be seriously frustrated with my incompetence!) He plays the guitar too – and he loves it when I ask him to teach me things on it. Again, I’m not remotely skilled at playing the guitar – but my wanting to be involved means a lot :)
I like the idea of leaving notes, but I also love it when my husband packs my lunch for me. You could stock up on his favorite yogurt/drink/dessert and set it aside in the fridge just for him. Doing the dishes when you know he has a lot to do (even if you do too), or something along those lines. I love this for Lent but I think part of it will be to do things and be okay if he doesn’t say something or recognize that you did them – you’re still loving him in that way.
I think execution is key. One of my favorite things to do is to surprise my husband with things I was probably going to do anyways. Last night I was making tea. Instead of shouting into the other room to ask if my husband wanted some too, I just brewed him a cup. He was surprised and felt nurtured. If you’re going to bake something and you don’t have a specific recipe in mind ask your husband what he’d like for dessert. This allows you to bake something “for him” even though you were baking anyways. Good luck! I think this is a fabulous intention.
I also have to make a daily effort to show my love to my husband. Notes on the kitchen whiteboard, making his lunch for work, offering to bring him lunch on the days I can, simple “I love you” texts, and actually telling him how much I appreciate what he does for our family. Basically, I say and do things for him that give me those happy feelings when he does thin for me :)
I try to always keep rice krispies treats made (Andrew’s favorite) and always bring him a Gatorade when I go to the store or gas station. I pick up little gifts when I remember. He loves when I scratch his back, so I do that. I am working on being less naggy and angry about little things. It’s…hard. Love this idea.
Being that you guys are so busy, it might be nice to plan something for you all to do together. But, specifically something that he loves to do, but because of school and lack of time he doesn’t get to do anymore. It doesn’t have to be huge-just an hour or two to have a little fun. Another idea is to think of funny inside jokes or stories from the past that have been forgotten. Leave him a little note somewhere so that when he comes across it, it will bring a smile to his face. I don’t know if he is a big emailer, but I also find it fun to send/receive random emails with a photo/video and a few words attached.
how funny that you chose this. i was just thinking about lent and praying how to be a better wife to my husband and not 10 minutes ago as i was reading my bible this came to me. apparently God knew i would need a little help! i don’t have any ideas but i’m anxious to get some ideas from this.
Am I recalling correctly that you mentioned that gifts are a love language of his? If so, what about some small, random gifts for him every now and then? Something you make like a photo collage with pictures of him and Gabe, or something little you buy, anything you might have noticed that he needs like a new water bottle or travel mug or notebook or anything at all that you’d think he’d like. If gifts are a love language of his then he will appreciate the thought and care that go into the gift most of all.
I think Lent as a diet tool goes WAY beyond high school girls, but I totally agree with you there. Definitely a pet peeve of mine that has me internet-grumpy these days.
As for suggestions, I make him dinners that are things HE loves but that I don’t appreciate so much myself. Like steak and mashed potatoes. Or this week it was meatball sandwiches. I do all of the cooking by choice, so giving him the things he wants that aren’t my fave is my way of saying I appreciate him and his preferences.
That is such a great idea… and I love some of the ideas that the previous commentators mentioned.
You could also send him text messages throughout the day (that only together make sense), you can give him 10 minutes of undivided attention in the evening before you got to bed, and you can make him coffee/tea/hot chocolate in the morning :)
The last time I sent him text messages with sweet words in the middle of the day, I sent one to my sister on accident! ;) Hehe. I loooove the ideas of undivided attention. I need to do that more!
I think this is really, really sweet, Ashley. Kind of a-typical for the sort of Lent-related activities I’m accustomed to seeing (giving up something, rather than trying harder to be better at something). If it makes you feel better, Sweets and I feel lucky when we have 30 minutes at the end of the day to veg in front of the TV together – remind yourself there will always be something, so what you’re starting now should be something you carry with you for life!
How about sweet, random, innocent kisses for no reason at all. Love notes (already suggested, I know). Cooking his favorite dishes. Doing his chores. Asking him what he wants for dinner or to do in your spare 30 minutes together (instead of making a joint decision). You could clean the car or tune his guitar or try to learn a song on the guitar to play for him. I think no matter what you do, he’s going to love it.
This is such a good intention! Lent is a great time to do more for others!
I might have to steal it…
For your husband, and his love of guitars, you could learn a short song or one of his favorites on the guitar and preform it for him at Easter! I think men love it when loved ones do something with them. I know my husband loves it when I ask about his favorite bands or music. Or you could always make an old school mixed CD/Playlist of songs he loves (and how it reminds you of him!)
Good Luck!
Oh wow. So, I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, and I generally love it! But I have to say, reading about the whole high school girls using Lent to diet thing…made me feel a …pang of some sort. I sometimes give up favorite foods and it’s a sacrifice, but I know it’s a sacrifice that can ultimately be good for me. I also like making my life simpler by giving up x, y, and z. Does that make it wrong because part of me is happy about the deprivation? Not a good enough sacrifice? Isn’t the goal to become a better version of you, and is it wrong to be happy about that? Although I agree that posing as doing something for God when you’re really doing it for yourself is not making you a better person, Gluttony is a sin and I don’t think giving up certain foods for Lent is wrong (especially as a foodie). But your post made me sort of look inward and *sigh* realize I need to add stuff too, like actually reading that daily devotional book I picked up in church, or working on some of the other more meaningful aspects in my life that I’ve been trying to flesh out. But ultimately, I still don’t know if I’d find the motivation to completely eliminate certain foods (that I really need to cut out) from my diet right now if it wasn’t Lent. Guess I’m weak. ;)
As for nice things to do for the hubby, you already mentioned expressing appreciation…I would say also expressing admiration (even/especially if it’s obvious and usually goes unsaid) for something he’s done (an amazing run, taking out the trash, working so hard) can really put a smile on his face. What guy doesn’t want to know that they’re our hero (cause they are!). Hope that is helpful.
Ok, sorry this comment was way long and rambly. Sorry, hope it was somewhat coherent!
Oh, man! I totally didn’t mean to undercut any other sacrifices or resolutions. I’ve definitely cut foods out of my life during Lent (I was a vegan for Lent two years ago, and gave up chocolate the year before that!), and since I LOOOOOVE cheese and chocolate, it was terrible!
That said, the high school girls I’m around talk about it in terms of how they want to not eat unhealthily – not for the sake of health, but for the sake of being skinny and not feeling guilty about eating junk food. I think teenage girls often have an unhealthy view of their body and food (I know I did!), so I just cringe when I hear those conversations in my office. :)
It sounds silly but give him a 30 second hug each day! Physical touch releases all those ‘feel good’ chemicals and at least for me, I know that touch is one of the clearest signals of love and appreciation I can give and receive. 30 seconds feels like a long time to hug, and we couldn’t make it through without laughing the first couple of times, but laughing and hugging is a pretty great combination anyway!
I love your blog! So cute, and that’s a great photo of you and your husband.
I’ve never participated in Lent specifically, though I like what you’ve decided to do with it. Rather than give up something, why not make a promise to do something MORE? It’s so easy to take someone you see every day for granted, but it’s so much nicer to remind them every now and then that you care about them.
this post really resonated with me. thank you :)
What a wonderful thing to do for lent, did you tell your husband or will it be a surprise? If your not telling him will be interesting to see if after awhile he asks asks why you’ve been doing more sweet things for him (of course after he tells you how much he appreciates it)!
About a month ago I began feeling like I don’t do enough to show the Mr how special he is to me and how much I appreciate all that he does, so I began scouring the internet for creative ways to show him. I came across http://www.thedatingdivas.com and absolutely love it. It has so many creative ideas to show your man how much you love and appreciate him. Some are really simple and only take a couple minutes. Others are fun cheap date ideas.
One time, when Nathan deployed, I made a jar of 60 things I loved about him & wrote each one on a small slip of colorful paper – one for each day he was gone! Guess it’s not such an original idea after all, haha.
I love the idea of doing something to appreciate your husband during Lent- it is ALSO a pet peeve of mine when anyone uses it as a time to just diet… no, not what it’s for!
I saw this cool idea on pinterest where someone made an envelope for each month and in it she planned something cool to do together for that month- that’s a little more than a quick appreciation though.
Okay so I was feeling super mushy for Valentines which is really out of the norm for me and I did some hand made craft-y type projects. 52 reasons why I love my husband on a deck of cards and my absolute favorite…1 year’s worth of pre-planned dates. He loved reading through the 52 reasons and I have since caught him a few times reading them which warms my heart to know that if he’s having a bad day or just needs some reassurance he can flip through the silly things I love about him and know they are genuine! :) Good luck!!
Hi Ashley,
Love your blog — it’s a daily must-read!
I’m sharing the love by tagging you in a fun meme:
http://newlyb.blogspot.com/2012/02/11.html
Happy Monday!
I try to hide notes under Mr. O’s pillow… Even though most of the time we generally go to bed at the same time, he still seems happy when he find them. Or I like to hide notes in random spots, like the linen closet in between towels, etc.
I agree with you; Lent is not only about sacrificing or abstaining ourselves from the pleasures our world has to offer. Equally important is doing things that will make us a better person.
I love those ideas that you apply.