After reading an interesting post about how marriages can support 1.5 careers, but not 2, and reading a post about how her experience taking a job that is a bit down the career ladder instead of up, I felt compelled to share my experiences and thoughts on my own job.
Let me start by saying this: there are a lot of things I love about working. I love having to be somewhere with real clothes. I love feeling like my time matters. I love being able to get a new outfit without feeling guilty. I love being around people and doing things outside of my own world.
I thought I might not like working, hate leaving Gabe, but it turns out leaving him for 20 hours a week makes me a much better mother. (And I get to leave him with Mike, so that helps.) (And Mike is much better at being a stay-at-home parent than I am.)
I mean, I have to work (no, really, if we lived off Mike’s salary we’d be below the poverty line), but I also really like working.
I’ve told you all of this before. What I haven’t shared is how much of a challenge it has been to step down the career ladder. Aren’t I going in the wrong direction? Shouldn’t I be looking for ways to get ahead, not stepping back?
Those who’ve been around since Gabe was born might remember how I quit my job during maternity leave to work at Starbucks. To go from working as a professional at a private all-girls high school with a decent salary and benefits to working for just above minimum wage as a barista was a huge change. It wasn’t just a step down the career ladder, it was a step off the ladder completely. But it was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. There are a whole host of reasons it was the right decision to leave (the best/hardest decision of my life), but most soul-sucking was that staying at my ‘career’ job would have meant an hour commute each way.
I only ever felt conspicuous about working at Starbucks twice: when I was talking to a Very High Acheiving Career Woman (with a PhD and no kids) and when my friend’s mom came to Starbucks and was shocked to see me behind the counter. I mean, being in a service position after working in a professional position was an adjustment – it felt uncomfortable to have a manager who’d yell at us or boss us around. I wasn’t used to being treated that way, honestly.
I worked at Starbucks for three months before another job fell into my lap. A job that paid better, was part-time, and was in my field.
But it was an admin assistant job. I was overqualified and essentially working as a secretary.
I struggle a lot with going from being the person who does to being the person who assists the doers. As much as my coworkers might tell me how great I am, as much as my boss might tell me how ‘hopelessly overqualified,’ at the end of the day, I am an administrative assistant.
Sure, I’ve been able to share my experience and opinions and ideas with my coworkers. Sure, I am valued as an equal…by some of them. Sure, I’ve had some great opportunities as ‘just’ as administrative assistant to go on trips or to conferences (but rules have changed and as a part-time employee, I’m not longer allowed to do that).
I tell myself all the good parts of my job – I’m earning money! I’m staying connected! I’m in the same field! It’s so utterly flexible! I actually set my own hours! I love (most of) my coworkers and students! And if I’m honest with myself, I can’t imagine working 40+ hour weeks with a child. I could barely handle just being married and working at a demanding job.
The struggle I feel mostly stems from my ego. As much as I know that working less and stepping down the career ladder for a bit is a good decision for my family (and my own aspirations with Little Leaf), it’s still hard to be seen as the one who does stuff for other people instead of doing stuff myself. It’s hard to be in a less successful position. In a ‘less than’ position. I don’t see myself as ‘just an admin,’ I see myself as an equal – but I know that I might have an inflated sense of my value.
All of this is just a long way of saying: I quit my career and started working as an assistant. It was the right decision, but it’s also a hit to my ego.
Ashley, this post could not be timed more perfectly for my life right now. After six years at a company I love, I have decided it’s time to leave. And not because I got a better offer, but because I need to step back and assess where a career fits into my life and in what capacity. It has been one of the hardest decisions yet, despite the fact that deep down I know it’s the RIGHT one. The biggest reason is that I have cystic fibrosis, a terminal illness that requires hours of daily treatments each day. I’ve managed a full-time job and my disease for a long time now, but I’m at a point where I’m able to leave and refocus. It is such a gift to be able to do this, and for that I am so grateful. But I’m also struggling with all the things you talked about, the big one being my ego. I look healthy, I lead a normal life, I don’t have kids… so I worry that people look at me and think I’m being lazy, or taking the easy way out. I don’t know what’s next for me, but it will probably be something less demanding than my previous job. And if that’s the case, I will have to learn to be okay with that. To not worry what everybody else thinks. To make a choice based on what’s best for me and my family.
All of this to say thank you. Thank you for sharing this and for being honest and for speaking about so much that’s on my mind right now. This is such a great example of why I love the blogging community. It allows us all to feel less alone and more understood. Something I think everyone is looking for.
xoxo
Part of why I love your blog is you are honest about these things and you share that you enjoy working, versus some SAHMs who claim working is the devil. Ha!
Maybe what would help you is to work on your “elevator speech.” It’s your tagline, what you say you do when people ask. Focus it on your work with Little Leaf. You don’t have to feel like you are anything less for what you do at your 20-hour week job or for being a partial SAHM and if you want, don’t even mention it in your elevator speech! It seems your design career is a big part of your career life. Most people find it really cool when someone is a self-made entrepreneur, and that might help with the ego thing. :)
Yes! Great advice. I totally talk about how I’m a web designer when discussing what I ‘do’ – but it’s more the way I’m treated/regarded at my day job that makes me feel like others thing of my role as beneath them.
Ash, I worked as a faculty assistant for 4 years at a major university. Essentially, I was an admin assistant and I completely understand how you feel about others thinking your role was beneath them. I had STUDENTS who thought I was less than them; a staff flunky and likely an uneducated one, too (little did they know I hold a B.S.). Faculty members I encountered often treated me as lesser – not usually the ones I supported directly as they knew I was competent – but nonetheless it makes you feel unappreciated especially when you know some of these people would not be able to function professionally without the support of their admin.
I wish I had some advice for how to make that less frustrating but I really don’t. I do agree, though, that focusing on your design and photography is a great place to start. As far as I’m concerned, I knew you worked at a school but was unaware in what capacity and I regarded you far more as a designer/photographer than a school employee. I figured the school job was to keep you solvent while you got the other stuff really rolling and that the eventual goal was to have your own business support you. If it helps, *this* pocket friend defines ‘what you do’ in that way, not in the ‘menial admin assistant’ way!
Thank you SO much for this. This is exactly how I feel, even down to the students. It’s nice to know someone gets it. <3
Great post. I find this topic of expectations and perceptions in regards to career choices for women really interesting. Recently, I left my comfy corporate job to try to start my own wedding photography business. I was met by a lot of “oh that’s awesome!” responses, but also.. “You’re too smart to be just a photographer” and “What did you parents think of that decision?” It’s hard enough making career decisions that are right for you, without worrying what other people will think of you based on them.
I can most definitely relate to you, Ashley. I think what’s made my most recent transition easier (though not seamless) is no matter what the move looked like no the career ladder, it was the right move on my personal well being and happiness ladder–which trumps the other any day.
“my personal well being and happiness ladder” – Great concept. Love it.
Oh man do I struggle with this. I know you and I have discussed it before, but family/work balance is so important to me. (Remember when I was worried about working for a jerk? Hahaha now I’m laughing at past me for being worried, because I don’t have ANY job prospects. I’d work for a jerk if a jerk would just offer!)
But in all honesty, I think it’s such a hard thing because we were always taught to keep moving up, up, up. Even to this day, my mom bugs me about finding a better-paying job. (For purposes of THIS convo, let’s forget that both Chris and I are out of work and pretend that we’re both employed.) I don’t mind not making much. I have awesome health insurance (which SO, SO many people don’t, it’s criminal) and I do have that work/family balance. I’m okay with pulling in a modest income. We have everything we need (and we’d have MORE if we actually wrote and stuck to a yearly budget) and we’re mostly debt-free, so why do I NEED to be making more money? Mo’ money, mo’ problems.
It’s funny because I recently wrote a blog post on this (the money thing) kind of as a way to be like, “Mom, stop bugging me about this” and she wrote a great comment on the post and yet…Even this past weekend, said something about my next job being a better-paying job! Doh!
Anyway, so for me, that is the particular struggle I deal with (and a whole slew of new ones given the current situation, but I’ll leave that for a different day :-) ) I’m mostly okay with my job and its pay…Until someone says something about where I “should” be and then I second-guess myself: Is this really okay? Am I being taken advantage of? Am I just being lazy, not looking for a “better” job?
This is such a great post. I have 3 children and work full time as a social worker and have a commute…but I’ve had this job for 8 years and I love it. I am scared to leave because I don’t think I’d find another job I like as much with great benefits (I work “full” time but am able to leave in time to pick my children up from school every day) if I ever returned to work. Plus I am the insurance holder for the family, etc. But I can totally relate to what you are saying. If I didn’t have a spouse and 3 young children would I still be at THIS particular job? Maybe not. I feel so lucky that our CEO has a “family first” attitude, which I know is rare.
Thanks for this post… it was something I needed to read right now.
There is no way what I want to say is going to come out eloquently, so forgive me … I think it’s a shame that our society dictates “administrative assistants” are something less than professional and valued as only “just a helper” and therefore unable to be deemed successful. Seriously, ponder that one for a minute. Then let me say that there is absolutely nothing wrong and actually so very many things that are so very right with an administrative career.
A long time ago (before parenthood, before marriage), I made a very specific, directed decision about my career. I quit my job where I was traveling 80% of the time, paid handsomely (and then some) and looking at a very promising career trajectory. You know why? Because it sucked the life out of me. Because I felt tied to my job. Because I was away from Chicago more than here. And because my life outside of my job was just as important, if not more so, than my job itself, and it was suffering. The next job I took (the one I still have to this day) is in the same industry working with some of the same people who worked at my last company, but I have MUCH more control than I did before. Sure, most people would probably consider it about 50% administrative, but you know what? I leave my work behind when I leave the office. I don’t work long hours. I don’t travel. I have managed, in more recent years, to work from home. I still make a decent living that pays the bills, allows for savings and even allows for some fun stuff on the side. What have I given up? That career trajectory that looked so promising. But, you know what? It doesn’t matter. I do a damn good job and am valued by my peers and bosses. AND, I live a very happy and full life. And for that, I KNOW I’ve succeeded.
PS – You might like this article from The Atlantic questioning whether women can have it all.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/
When you say “its only an Amin Assistant job” – this is a kind of a blow to people that hold this position. I feel like you are indicating that this position is beneath you and only certain types of people should hold this position. I know a lot of people that have degrees and they are doing this job. I am sorry if I sound angry about this, but I feel like it was a good opportunity for you to have landed such a position that helps your family and your commute. I am just making an observation.
That is a fair criticism. I don’t think that it’s beneath me at all – just a difficult transition to be respected as an equal and then be TREATED as less than equal simply because of my job change. It’s not just about my perception of administrative assistants – it’s about how I experience the difference in how much respect I am given. (Same with being a barista. And being a housekeeper in college.)
I *am* very very grateful for the position – it is perfect for what I want right now, but I can still admit to struggling with the lack of career trajectory. (I wish you’d left an email so I could respond to you personally, but I did want to respond.)
Man, is this a struggle for our generation or what?! I think about this more than I should. For the last year I’ve been driving myself towards higher things and realizing that the stress that comes along with it is not always worth it. Plus, I think about children and family and how it would all fit together. I don’t think I’ll know what to do until I’m in it. I love my job and my company and I hope that I figure out a way to make it all work for me.
Our generation is so ambitious, but I also feel like we’re on a cusp where what some may call “retro interests” are coming back, and they’re things that require and devote more time to family. Think about it: breastfeeding and natural childbirth, the slow and local food movement, cloth diapering, etc. Maybe it’s just my perception because of the things that interest me, though. I feel like our generation is an interesting mix of the cultures of high-aspiring ambition and back-to-basics happiness.
Just my two cents. Thanks for sharing your honest story.
I went through much of the same questioning (and really, still am) by leaving graduate school and working as an adjunct at the local community college. I don’t know that there’s a good answer for the whole “not doing what I thought I wanted” and not getting much respect or support professionally. On the other hand, sometimes realism about what a “career” path looks like means the logical decision for happiness/wellbeing is NOT the logical one to the outside cultural norms of our original career path colleagues and our own ideas about what we’re “supposed” to be doing with life. Right now I’m really questioning whether it was the right call as a lot of my graduate school classmates seem to have a much more “fun” time teaching than I do. I’m waffling between enthusiasm for next semester being less sucky (for various reasons) than this one, and worry that I’m in a rut. Short answer? It’s not just you.
Thanks for this, Sarah.
To me, the fact that you are a ‘successful’ mum and a ‘successful’ entrepreneur means way more than your day job – you’ve started both of those from scratch! You’ve done so much with your life including travelling. I love the ‘personal wellbeing ladder’ idea too! Might even have to blog about it myself. Thank you for being honest :)
Thank you, Lani. xo
Thanks for posting this! Long-time reader here, but first time commenting. I think these questions are so interesting. I can relate to the issues of how society views your job being a little tough on your ego. I struggled with this on a smaller scale, leaving a math PhD program, where I was really successful but miserable, before finishing my degree to teach high school. Now my husband and I each have a 15 minute commute instead of an hour each. Unfortunately, teaching isn’t a very respected job in our culture (even though I think it’s really fulfilling and important). Even though I am much happier now and wouldn’t change my decision, it can still be a bit of a blow to my ego.
I think teaching high school is hugely important! Happiness > ego. Even though ego does affect happiness. Thanks for sharing.
I think what breaks my heart about this post is that you feel you aren’t being treated as a valued member of your work team, even if the people you work with are great people and show their appreciation. This seems indicative of a societal viewpoint that Administrative Assistants/Office Support Specialists do the work that others in the office don’t WANT to do, when in fact, I find they do the work that other people don’t know HOW to do. In my current and previous workplaces, I think the Admin Assistants were the most important ingredient in an efficient work environment.
And I completely agree with so many of the other commenters. Work-life balance will bring more joy than being where outside pressures tell you you ‘should be.’
You totally hit the nail on the head: “do the work that others in the office don’t WANT to do.” That is often how I feel. But! I know from being on the ‘other side’ that we had a not-so-great admin assistant and it made a huge difference in how people perceived our office. Great insight.
I’m trying not to think about it too much yet, since my baby is only 5 weeks old, but this decision looms on the horizon for me. Either I continue to not work and subsequently we struggle financially or I go back to work and say goodbye to my paycheck to childcare, not to mention — most importantly — have to leave Linden every day! It feels like a lose-lose situation! UGH. I really hope I can figure out a happy medium.
And please don’t worry about offending people with what you write! You’re always going to offend someone….besides, it’s their issue, not yours. The person above needs to get a grip. You were talking about YOUR situation in relation to being an admin assistant, not making a global judgement about the profession. When are people going to be able to read other people’s blog posts and not make it ALL ABOUT THEM?
I just love you. :)
I feel ya, Ashley. Right after I graduated college, I moved to Korea to teach English. It was my first “Big Kid Job” out of college and I loved it. I loved that I was utilizing the college degree I worked so hard for. Now that I’m home from Korea, I’m working as a server in a restaurant because the job options in Sacramento are slim. I’ve struggled with going from my college degree-required, Big Kid Job to a job that requires no degree and has me cleaning public restrooms from time to time. It’s disconcerting, but I guess in our case, we just need to be happy that we have jobs in today’s struggling economy. :)
I totally get this post. I felt like this at my old job and it WAS my first job out of college so I get that. But when my boss sent me an email saying “can you please print this and put it on my desk” when HER office was the one closer to the printer I pretty much lost it. I think feeling valued at work is huge BUT it’s also wonderful that you can set your own hours and leave work at work. I think this was a really thoughtful post and I enjoyed reading it!
Leaving a company simply means taking risk because it is impossible to judge all the outcomes of such decision in early stage. It can be a good or bad step. Thank you so much Ashley for sharing this!