When I made the decision to unplug from all social media for 31 days, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel.
Would I get more done without the ability to check Twitter and Facebook several times a day? Would I feel lonely without the thousands of online connections and ways social media enables me to easily communicate with friends? Would I go crazy? Would I want to quit the internet entirely?
I just knew that I was in over my head and needed to press the RESET button on my time online.
I decided to treat it more as a Social Media Cleanse. Sort of like those juice diets but a whole lot less juice and a whole lot more hanging outside with my family.
What struck me on the first day was how quiet my mind felt. With no Twitter or Facebook, I didn’t have a constant stream of people’s chattering running through my brain. I also noticed how I, too, narrated my day to myself in brief snippets (in the form of a tweet or status update). Instead of participating in my day, I found myself sharing my day with others in my head. Twitter has reprogrammed my brain, you guys. And that? Scared me.
The biggest benefit during my time away from social media was how it made me a better parent. After a week or two, I noticed that no social media meant I wasn’t comparing myself (or Gabe or Mike) to others (or their children or their spouse). There was also a freedom and joy of going out and not documenting everything to share. Just being present, truly, with Gabe outside – not tweeting or checking tweets or staying connected. In fact, we spent nearly half of Gabe’s awake time outside each day. I didn’t feel compelled to tweet about how freaking wonderful my day was; I just lived it.
There were other benefits, too. I hung out with friends and family more often, took time to focus on the direction and development of my business (!), and didn’t spend as much time trolling around online.
I started forming complete thoughts again. I used to think something and tweet it. Without access to sharing every witty, insightful (ranty, whiny) passing thought on the internet, I found myself processing more. Instead of think –> tweet, it was more think –> think some more –> think even more –> come to conclusion. I didn’t get all ADD on my thought process and start clicking around on Twitter to see who was getting into an argument about breastfeeding now.
My friend emailed to ask if I was getting more done. “Nope. Gabe still exists,” I joked.
And it’s true. Stepping away from the internet for a month didn’t solve all my problems. I didn’t fill my time with more exercise or reading or deep cleaning my home.
What it did do was help me to rethink my time online, why I do this, and how I can do this in a way that fills me with joy and not rage (“Gah! You are SO WRONG, Internet Stranger!”) or guilt over declining my husband’s requests to watch a movie in favor of reading some random girl’s birth story on the internet (The internet is my version of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”).
There is certainly a lot (A LOT) of good that has come from my use of social media (like YOU) and I won’t be quitting any time soon. I found that I missed the people on Twitter, the super supportive and lovely community here on this blog, and…not that much about Facebook, surprisingly.
Most of all, I realized that missing out is okay. So what if I don’t know everything that is happening all the time to all of the friends in my Twitter and Facebook streams? So what if I don’t have time to read all the blogs I used to before becoming a mother? Being everywhere isn’t as helpful or fulfilling as being there for the people I care about most in the world.
While I was thinking about this, I found an article on The Fear of Missing Out that resounded with me so strongly I was nodding like a madwoman at my desk. The article discusses the way in which social media instills this fear of missing out; of constantly needing to check in with the internet, even when we’re with friends or family.
“They interrupt a face-to-face conversation to make sure whatever’s going on elsewhere isn’t better. I wonder how this is a good way to promote future, strong social connections?” – Fear of Missing Out
RIGHT?! How often has this happened to you? How often have you been this person? This is why I cannot have a smartphone, people. I am bad enough already.
I wish I could tie up this experience neatly with some pretty words about how I’ll be more present and less crazy-internet-addict (I hope!), but I’m still processing what it meant to me. Mostly, it was a sort of awesome time of disconnection that I’ll probably do again next year; an internet reset, if you will.
Have you ever done a social media break? Or are you not a social media addict like myself? Also, how the heck are you?! It’s been a month!
We’ve missed hearing from you, but it sounds like you had a much needed internet vacation! This is a really important message to share with your fellow internet friends; sometimes you just need to unplug!
Love the photos of your two boys! Precious.
Such truth. I love processing. I do some of it through social media, but I could probably do with some more time unplugged too.
Gorgeous photos of your boys, as ever :)
You were definitely missed around these parts, but I totally understand your intent for taking a break. I’ve started leaving my smart phone in another room during meals, so I can focus on my boys. I try to turn off my computer after work every Friday and not turn it back on until Monday morning. My weekend interactions on my smart phone are more limited when I’m on it. I might read status updates, but I don’t leave as many comments. I read zero blogs on the weekends and I don’t scour the internet, unless Sweets and I are having a debate and we need a third party to clear up which one of us is right. =) Also, every summer when we trek out east to my parents’ house on Cape Cod … well, historically, I had no cell connection and they only had dial up internet for the longest time … so, that was a forced break from everything. It was WONDERFUL and I kind of cursed a lot when cell service started reaching their house and then they got WIFI. But, damn, if I don’t slow down a lot when I’m there. Long story short, I get something out of my online friendships and connections, so I’m not willing to give that up. But, it feels really good to disconnect on a regular basis, so that I can focus on the people sitting in front of me.
Love this! I have done a day or a week but never 30 days straight. It sounds kinda wonderful. I wish I knew how to keep my time online to a level I feel good about, but I always seem to exceed it!
I love this. I have the WORST fear of missing out & it’s so ridiculous, truly. And I cannot even bear to think of the number of times I’ve turned down interaction with Andrew to read some stranger’s blog. Eeep. Welcome back, friend! Thanks for giving me something to think about :)
Don’t think too hard or you might do something drastic! ;) Hehe.
You should read Gwen Bell’s “Reverb” if you haven’t already. In April, I took Twitter and Facebook off of my phone so that at least when I was away from my computer, I wouldn’t be so connected or tempted to tweet and share everything. I noticed the same kind of… mental quiet. I have since added them back because of BiSC and a work conference the next week that I had to manage the Twitter account for, but… will probably remove them again soon because I liked the quiet :)
Thanks for the recommendation – I’ll look into it! :)
First of all- Did Gabe get SOMUCHBIGGER this month? He is a tiny man now & SO DARN CUTE!
I’ve done social media breaks before, but often when I travel. Like when I spent 3 weeks in Greece, the first half of my trip was on a remote island with almost zero connection. I checked my e-mails twice in 10 days and that made me anxious. I like checking e-mails, ha. I’m not SO ADDICTED to Twitter that I feel compelled to update it all the time. I learned to kick that one a while ago when, like you, I realized I just couldn’t keep up with the stream of everyones’ thoughts. On occasion I can, but not every day. I have a rule that I don’t check my Twitter feed when I’m not home. I’ll check e-mails and Facebook notifications, but I never read my feeds. I keep that for my down time!
Anyway that being said, it’s good to have you back! Hopefully your month away has shown you some ways to cope with the constant noise of the internet in a way that’s beneficial to you and your family :)
I want to go to an island in Greece with no internet! ;)
It really is true about Twitter – in order to stay abreast of EVERYTHING, you have to be doing nothing else in your life. Oy!
I’m that person. The one who checks social media while having a real-life conversation. Definitely need to work on that.
Look at Gabe! He looks so much older!
For me, it’s also about being a role model for Gabe, you know? I don’t want him to think adults just have screens in their hands all the time. It’s hard, though!
“The internet is my version of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”” This. Exactly this.
In the last few months I have made a conscious effort to get off social media, I’ve noticed a big change in myself and it is all for the better.
Love this post.
xox
I love you for getting that book reference. ;)
I wish I could do a social media break, but given the space I work in, it’s just not possible. Even though I didn’t participate I feel like I took something away from your time away – to focus on why I’m spending time doing what I’m doing. If it’s not productive, or for work, is it really necessary? Could my time be better spent elsewhere? Thanks for the food for thought. Glad you’re back. You were missed!
This is the main reason I don’t want a smartphone- I don’t want to be connected all the time. I’m trying to be adamant about not checking emails after I come home from work, but have been bad with that habit lately ( and checking social media). But I’ve really tried to disconnect when I’m with my man and family because the whole idea of being present and alive in the moment that is in front of you is so important- and something we all forget sometimes too I think.
Non-smartphone users, unite!
On that note, time to hang out with my husband! ;)
Well we missed you! Welcome back!
I am toying with the idea of doing this…There are times when I’m scrolling through Twitter and I see all these people in all these intense conversations and I’m just like…What am I doing here?! I don’t need to get into debates or share everything all the time.
I do try to take a full day break once a month (this was suggested by our dear Amy on her blog and I loved the idea). I seem to forget on the first of the month (like today, OOPS), but have managed to “make up” that time on another day in the month.
I really like how it makes me not involved in what’s going on online and more involved in what’s going on around me (plus my phone battery never dips below like 75% — bonus!), but at the same time, I end up spending an hour the next morning catching up on what I missed. So that sort of defeats the point, doesn’t it?
Anyway, all things to think about, for sure, but as I said — glad you’re back!
If you wanted to, you could probably find Twitter arguments to follow ALL DAY LONG.
Not joking, the first thing I saw when I logged back in was some people talking about formula feeding or something like that – immediately I realized that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Sure, some people had life changes, but the day to day conversations and arguments are largely the same. Which makes it easier for me to pop in and out and not having to LIVE in Twitter.
I had to quit twitter altogether. Like you said, I was thinking in tweets. It wasn’t good and I didn’t see a way out! I’m better off without it.
I really vacillated on whether to leave forever or not. In the end, I think the ability to crowd source advice is super valuable, so I’ll limit my total time on FB and Twitter to 15 minutes a day. I’m so glad to hear you found something that works for you – good for you!
your ‘voice’ was certainly missed!
I COMPLETELY understand when you say that you found yourself processing your thoughts in in twitterspeak and I just realized when I read that, that I do the same thing. but I love keeping tabs about what’s going in everybody’s life and in the news so I can’t bear to give it up longer than a day. #twitteraddict
However, that picture of gabe and mike just made my ovaries spontaneously combust.
I think I use Twitter more than Google Reader to keep up with what my online friends are doing – so in that sense, I really felt out of the loop! But I promise you that leaving for more than a day wouldn’t make you completely out of touch with the world. :)
(And right? Gabe’s kisses are the BEST, San!)
It’s so refreshing to hear that you felt more present on your social media break! :) I’ve taken a brief “hiatus,” but not purposefully. And I still was on Facebook on occasion. One of these days I will take a legitimate break away from everything! and I know once this baby is born, I’ll make it a priority.
I hardly use Facebook, but I knew if I wasn’t on Twitter, I’d just procrastinate with Facebook! Ha. So I had to deactivate them both. ;) Addict problems.
Oh gosh, I understand this. I find myself thinking in tweets and Facebook updates all day long. I try to take a break from the computer on Sundays because I realized that I wasn’t really doing any book reading/crafting/hanging out with people, etc. in favor of zoning out on social media. A month break is so hardcore, but to be honest, part of it sounds heavenly.
I’m also completely aware of how awkward it looks that the link to my last blog post below is to my birth story…
I was nervous, but also felt free, when I made the decision to take a break. Especially when you have such a tiny baby, I could see how taking some time to just be with him would be super valuable. :) Ahhhh, newborns are so sweet!
I’m glad it was helpful for you – but like other said, we’ve definitely missed you! I think I might take a blogging break – I haven’t been very inspired lately and it might be better to give a certain amount of time before I’ll be back. Hmmm….
It really renewed my excitement for ideas AND, more importantly, put things in perspective. It’s JUST a blog. Oh well if I don’t post 3 times a week, you know? :)
I read your blog regularly but don’t comment often, felt I need to today! I commend your “unplugging” and have found myself wanting the same. i think it’s become second nature to plug in, especially when so much of our social interaction comes from the internet these days. I started a blog when my first daughter was born, mainly to keep in touch with family who does not live close, and now I find I write just to connect. I do think that a balance can be found. While I’m not a smartphone holder my husband is and we have a rule to unplug from the time he gets home from work until bedtime, to ensure all the quality family time we can. Its so easy to get lost in the world of the internet! Happy you’re back!
I love hearing about how other families make it work with boundaries and rules. Just even taking time to think about what you’re doing and why is more than lots of people do. Thanks for reading! :)
I definitely need an internet break. I’m on maternity leave since february (lost my job in november while 30 weeks pregnant) and I feel I’ve been on my computer 24/7 for 6 months! SO unhealthy !!!! I feel so bad :(
While I should be cleaning, organizing my house and my life (What should I do when I go back to work ? Ugggghhhh), I found myself observing others life trought facebook and twitter and blogs… this is so sad. Pathetic.
How can I do this, without feeling completely disconnected from the world ? See, life’s pretty boring alone at home with a screaming 4 months baby and you need to vent somewhere !
I think I’ll throw my computer under the car, that will solve the problem.
Oh, man! I totally get that.
When you are watching (reading about) other peoples’ lives instead of LIVING your own, you know something has to change.
Twitter was definitely helpful when I was home alone with a small newborn, but it also kept me from reaching out to real-life local friends because the internet relationships were so convenient.
Good luck! It’s hard stuff!
I thought about you this whole month! Ha. Just wondering how you were doing with the break and hoping it was helping your focus.
This is something I’ve thought of doing myself, just to take a huge step back for a month and reevaluate where my priorities lie. Mainly to help me clear out all the clutter & noise the Internet can bring (some of it good, some of it not-so-good!) and also to just force me out of my comfort zone a little and be okay with not being so In The Know all the time.
Happy to have you back, though! I’m glad the break was refreshing for you!
It’s such a clarifying experience to just step away from how LOUD it all is and figure out what you actually WANT.
I have so missed reading your blog and having your on Facebook! I was waiting with anticipation for your return to the blogging world!
I tried giving up Facebook for Lent this year, and it was a giant EPIC fail. I continuously felt the need to show people pictures of people and things from Facebook during my time off, and it happened so many times, I just gave up! Sad, I know! So good for you for not cheating on your time off!
I feel like I can learn this life lesson through you! Though I need to start limiting my social networking time daily as well for good. My excuse for being online at this very moment is a lunch break after rewriting a major paper for one of my classes.
I think my favorite thing would be a break from the complete strangers that I don’t agree with as well online. How is it useful to allow your free time to make you feel angry? Sometimes I will read comments on a blog, and think, “hey, that’s not nice!” Then I realize how silly it is to waste my time being mad at another person’s opinion. There are sooo many people in this world, I am certainly not going to agree with them all.
I wish the whole world would be less “connected”. I really do feel like people have stopped making an effort to actually see one another in real life and spend time together. With that said, let’s hang out again soon!
I would so much rather get together with my friends and family than leave them a comment on Facebook, or send them a message. It’s nice to keep in touch when you can’t physically get together with people, but some people make less of an effort to do so because of social networking!
With that said, I am so glad you enjoyed your time away from social networking, and had more time to reconnect with yourself mentally, and with all of the people you care about most! :)
Yes, let’s! When will you be home?
Ah, you give such good perspective! I am an Internet addict during the day, especially when my baby is sleeping, but I really shouldn’t feel the need to be online all of the time. Whenever I am with family and friends I really try to make it a point not to get online and check things and when I am gone for an entire weekend, it feels SO good to unplug for awhile. I really try to be intentional about unplugging when my husband gets home from work too so we can enjoy some family time. My goal is to unplug a little more often – I don’t need updates about people the minute they post them!
Good to have you back! :)
It’s really sad that I need to FORCE myself to unplug so I can hang out with my husband, right? But I’m glad I’m not alone! :)
You were missed around these parts, but I have so much respect for you for doing this. I’ve been pulling back from the online world as I’ve been working on myself these last few months–I can’t disappear completely because of my work (and because I like it), but I have given myself permission to miss out. It’s hard sometimes, but I’ve had to teach myself that as much as I love the internet and the connections I have there, sometimes I really need to put myself, my family, my house, my job, etc. first.
Taking a step back is good, and putting boundaries up for yourself is good, and doing social media the way YOU want to is good.
I think you and I are in the same stage (according to this model of internet use) – avoidance.
1 – Obsession — > 2 – Avoidance —> 3- Balance
Hoping we’ll get to balance soon. :)
When I travel I usually unplug, sometimes on purpose, something because I’m too busy living my life to pay attention to anyone else’s and it’s always really nice to be away from it all on vacation. I vacate not only my hometown, but my habits too, especially my social media habits. When I went to Europe earlier this year for 10 days I thought I’d feel like I was missing out, but I didn’t. My focus was on my life and my experience and it was really rather nice.
Anytime we go on a trip, I find I don’t miss the internet. Sure, I like to check my email once a day, but I don’t tweet or facebook during that time and it’s so wonderful. :)