1. Yesterday was a super productive day at home. I did a bunch of laundry, cooked a bunch of food, cleaned up, and even hammered out lots of work during Gabe’s nap time. It was great, but I worry sometimes that I ignore Gabe too much on days like that. I don’t really play with him, per say. I read to him and involve him in the cooking (he stands on a stool next to me, helps dump in flour, flips pancakes, etc) and cleaning (he throws the laundry in the washer, hangs laundry to dry, ‘wipes’ down the table, etc), but I don’t really enjoy playing with trains and with blocks the way Mike does. We’ll have a dance party or Snoopy will do funny things (Gabe LOVES when ‘Snoopy’ changes his diaper), but I’m not really good at playing. I also haven’t started really teaching him letters or numbers or colors yet. I dunno. Am I supposed to? I mean, who needs to go to an Ivy League school, right?
2. I have changed the focus of my business and trying to pay myself a real wage, and in the process have had to price myself out of the casual blogger market. It makes me a bit bummed to be ‘too expensive’ for some folks, but I also know that I can’t cater to everyone and there will always be someone willing to create an entire blog design for $75. In sum: Sad to lose business from awesome people, but I just can’t price myself that low.
3. People have asked me a lot lately about when we will ‘give Gabe a playmate/sibling.’ Here’s the truth: I would love for Gabe to have a sibling, but I am relishing his one-ness so much it’s hard to want to take the plunge. I get to sleep all night and Gabe is astonishingly easy most of the time. He really is a delight. I have time to spend lots of one-on-one time with him, read to him before bed, hold crazy dance parties, and generally just enjoy how awesome he is right now. Having a new baby would disrupt all that. I can’t imagine not being able to spend as much alone time with my first-born. I know, I know, millions of women before me have had the same worries, and YET. I still cannot imagine. Our life is perfect. Gabe is perfect. Wouldn’t another baby mess up perfection? (Our life isn’t perfect, of course, but sometimes it feels close.)
4. Mike and I will change our work schedules next week so that we need absolutely NO CHILDCARE this semester. I will work mornings almost every day, which means I’ll be home by nap time, which means I’ll get to work during nap time for Little Leaf. Thus, three reasons the new schedule is awesome: no insane morning routine (three people getting three separate places in one Honda Accord before 8 am is NOT FUN) or paying for childcare AND now I’ll get more personal work time in each week. I’m so excited.
5. Growing my own vegetable garden makes me appreciate farmers market prices more. I mean, I planted three pepper plants only got FOUR PEPPERS the entire summer. My squash and tomato plants got a disease. I’d have to charge, like, $20 a pepper to make my time worthwhile if this was a career. No wonder Mike didn’t want to have a garden this year!
6. I am completely unable to paint my fingernails without them chipping a day later. And yet, I still paint them every few weeks because I forget what a pain it is. SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.
7. Photographic evidence of why this is the best age. He is old enough to do this:
Snoopy is smelling the flower.
But still young enough to do this:
This photo makes me soul happy. He doesn’t sleep in our arms much anymore, but one day he woke up from his nap early and was still super tired. I carried him in my arms to our big comfy chair and plopped down in it. He was asleep in minutes.
I try really hard to not let myself feel guilty for doing chores or paying bills or what have you while Kyle is playing alone because a clean(ish) house and crossed-off to-dos makes me such a happier mother, something he really benefits from. If I’m stressed, he can sense it. I also try to balance that with something we love doing together (reading, going to the park, etc.) afterward. Mike is a much better trucks-and-tackle parent, and I’m a much better reads-and-takes-him-to-fun-places parent. He shines from both, so I’m a-okay with this for now.
I don’t think anyone regrets having a second, no matter when that is, and I know if we ever decided to go against our “only one” decision (or if a second happened as a surprise) we’d be thrilled and happy and it would feel right in the big picture of our family. But, all that said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until the time feels more right or that pull feels stronger. This IS an awesome age. (Spoiler: three is pretty swell too.) I think sometimes people just ask because it’s…so natural to wonder, maybe?
i hardly ever play with my boys – we do things together, we even do “lessons” (catholicicing.blogspot.com has fun little preschooly things to do), and we definitely read together, but playing is for papas :-p
i just dont really see it as a mama job to “play with” my kids? i’m not advocating ignoring them or anything, but it sounds like all the stuff you guys do together IS playing (to him. winwin!).
so dont beat yourself up :-p
also hooray for no childcare!
I’m not a parent–full disclaimer!–but I’d say not to worry about your playtime with Gabe. It sounds like you spend time with him, interact with him, and teach him a lot. My mom never involved me in cooking, so he’s already ahead by leaps and bounds! It seems Gabe can benefit from the difference between you and Mike. As for teaching him colors and numbers, I imagine you two are talking about colors and numbers during playtime, kitchen time, or other activities you do with Gabe, but if not, how easy is it to just work that in? I want you to know that I read you blog in part because I think you’re a great mom, and you’re the kind of mom I’d like to be (if I ever have kids). You’re relaxed but conscious about what you do as a parent, and I admire that.
I’m not good at play either. I’m good at involving Isaac in things I’m doing (like laundry or cooking) but I’m really not that good at play. My husband does a much better job in that department!
And we had the exact same experience with our garden this year. Which is why we’ll be doing a CSA next year!
We are on the one-and-only plan, but that was our plan from the beginning. Our one-and-only is going to be 7 in November, and it’s (she’s and we’re) everything I’ve hoped it could be. ;) If it works for you, great! If you make a change, that will work, too. Good luck!
Gardening, for me, is the pits. It makes my back hurt just thinking about it. And I can feel the mosquitos swarming me… No thanks. I’ll trot on over to our farmer’s market.
I haven’t the slightest idea how I found your blog but I love it!
Oyyyyyy Gabe is so freaking CUTE. I mean I know I’ve been saying that since he is like born (or since I started reading your blog) but seriously he gets cuter with age it’s crazy! I can definitely understand your issue with having a second child, but I also think once you’re ready you’ll have the absolute best time with two children :)
The way you incorporate him into what you are doing (having him help you cook, do laundry, etc.) is perfection. You are letting him know he is a part of it all. You are letting him know he is worthy of attention even when doing stuff you have to do. Who says you have to play with trains, planes and automobiles? B.S. You are perfect. You are loving him and giving him positive attention. And without even realizing it, you are teaching him. So there.
sounds like your day was a win/win. gabe’s play is work, so work is play. i did exactly the same stuff with my daughter yesterday and she loved all of it.
we also get asked about siblings a lot. we are a team of three: mama, papa and ruby. period. we are happy just the way we are thankyouverymuch.
gardening is something i leave to the hubs and daughter. too much work for me. hell, i don’t even really like going to the farmer’s market. i make them do that part too.
good job with the work decision – it’s hard to make that decision and yet you’ll most likely feel better in the long run. plus you can always work deals with people you’d like to work with and most everyone else can pay regular prices. in other words, nothing is set in stone, you make the rules.
Hooray for schedule changes that make things easier! :) And I know some people think that farmers market prices are high, but I feel like the price is worth what you get — healthy, locally grown food. :) We weren’t able to plant a garden this year, so we joined the Fresh Fork CSA. Which is not cheap, but totally worth it. And it makes you appreciate all of the peoples time that goes into bringing the food from the farm to our table :)
OH – and also — your time is so valuable. So don’t feel bad that you charge more than $75 for a blog design. You have a high quality product and you charge accordingly :)
I don’t know of any Mommys who enjoy playing. That is what Daddys do best! Don’t have guilt about it – working side by side, cooking, etc., is perfect for them.
We always planned on 2 or 3 children, but the 2nd came much much sooner than we planned! I suffered from enormous guilt that my firstborn was losing me to his sister before he was ready (he was 13 months when she was born). It was so very hard on me, but my husband really plugged into him so that he did not notice any lack of attention. Now, at 2 and 3, they are the best of friends, and I am so happy with how it all worked out! It was hard – yes – but worth it. (and the lack of sleep was REALLY hard – no napping when they nap if you have another running about!)
:) That said, do what feels right for your family.
Ha, you mean when I finally decide I’m ready to have one kid I’m only going to shut everyone up for a year or two before they start asking me about a sibling haha, booo! Anyway, I can relate to you since I feel like life is perfect (ish) now without kids at all, but I know I eventually want them :) Gabe’s cute pictures help. Also- as a kindergarten teacher I do like when kids learn letters and colors at home haha, but you could also just send him to preschool for that and I don’t think you need to start all that right this minute :)
Your new work schedule sounds really amazing. If you can get Little Leaf stuff done 3 out of 5 days, I’d chalk that up to a win! Also, I think it’s great that you and Mike each bring something different to the table regarding play time with Gabe. It means he has exposure to twice as many kinds of play as if you were happy to hang out on the floor and zoom zoom trucks with him. I find it super RUDE when people inquire about siblings. I usually just tell them the truth: ONE AND DONE, but sometimes I want to say, “we’ve been trying for over a year without success; it’s a sensitive subject and one we’d rather not discuss” because I know that will get people to shut the eff up already! I love that Gabe is still snuggle worthy. I might have fallen asleep for nap time with Gavin yesterday and woke up with him sleeping almost on top of me. Even though I enjoyed it, I was so freaking hot and then I woke up Gavin when I tried to throw off all the covers … the first words out of his mouth: Eat. I’m pretty sure that kid only thinks about food.
I don’t have kids, but I’m not good at playing either. My husband rocks it out – can play with kids forever, but I just feel silly and a little bored when I try. I don’t think play is required though, so long as there’s time spent together doing things. That’s probably more productive anyway!
I’m in love with that last picture! I would pay serious money to get Hannah to fall asleep on me like that! I get so aggravated when people (read: not friends, but nosy family) ask about siblings. We’re just not in a spot where it would make much sense, but I don’t want to waste my energy explaining why and when and on and on.