Yesterday’s post over at Simple Mom was just what I needed to read. It was all about how the internet has helped women realize we don’t have to be everything and do everything. That we don’t have it all together.
I appreciated the post, but one part differed from my experience – that the internet and blogs help up to see the humanness in others. Many, many times this is true. I read about a mom struggling with her toddler’s strong-willed behavior. Or a 20-something wondering if she’ll ever find love. Or a mom who’s home all day confessing she feels rather lonely sometimes. I appreciate the rawness. The honesty. The openness.
But, almost equally often, I read blogs where everything is so impossibly perfect and put together and fairytale-like. Where the kids are all well-groomed and well-behaved, the mom is stylish and successful, the blog full of perfectly photographed fall decor tutorials and gorgeous cupcakes…and you just wonder how they do it all.
Here’s how I do it all: I DON’T.
So, in the effort to declare ourselves rife with imperfection – not in a makes-me-feel-guilty way, but in a hey-this-is-real-life way – let me tell you all the things I don’t do:
I don’t scrub my shower. Ever.
I didn’t make Gabe’s Halloween costume. I bought it for $5 last year at Target.
I don’t clean my baseboards/patio doors/walls/etc. Ever.
I ignore Gabe longer than I probably should to finish cleaning/designing/emailing.
I don’t shower daily.
I don’t buy the perfect gifts.
I buy frozen, chopped vegetables and other convenience foods.
I only run once a week. (At most.)
I don’t blog every day.
I quit our CSA once school started because it was stressing me out.
I don’t remember to send birthday cards.
I don’t get to work (or anywhere) on time.
I don’t bathe Gabe more than twice a week.
I don’t go to bed early enough.
I don’t read as many books as I do tweets.
I don’t eat nearly as many fruits and vegetables as I should.
Whew. That was cathartic.
Not quite the same, but a similar blog I wrote a while back called the ‘Perfect Protest’: http://crazybritheaven.blogspot.com/2010/11/perfect-protest.html
Thank you for putting this out there. I love when bloggers get real. Here are a few of mine:
I don’t wash my face at night.
I don’t floss. Ever.
I don’t vaccum unless something gets trudged through the living room.
That felt good. I think I’ll write a whole post on this too!
Hell yes! Love this post. I am guilty of many of the things you mentioned above. You’re so right though, blogs have a way of bring out the human-ness in people which is so amazing. It’ nice to know you’re not alone in any of your daily experiences!
Thank you, Ashley! I’m going to have to make a post of my own like this. It’ll feel so nice to get it all out there.
Thank you! Many of the same here!! I appreciate this post! :)
I have to say, this was a relief of a post to read. When I read blogs, I so often think, “HOW IS SHE SO PERFECT?” & then have to remind myself that we always put our best faces forward, especially on the Internet, where we can filter & moderate what bits of us make it onto other peoples’ screens. I’m also sort of relieved when people admit that they’re just human like me. :)
Love this post! We share a lot of our do-not’s! I’ll add a few of mine…
I don’t study for my final licensing exam, even though I’d be happy to be done with them.
I don’t exercise more than once, maybe twice a week.
I don’t frame and hang the pictures I take or art prints I buy. They just sit on the computer or in the envelopes they arrived in… for months!
I don’t cook even 25% of the recipes I save from blogs or clip from magazines.
I don’t eat all of the veggies and fruit that I buy each and every week from the farmers market.
I don’t check things off my to-do list, and instead just re-write new ones! :)
Oh wow – how I love you for writing this post. Though I don’t always write about the negative stuff in my life, it’s usually because (a) the negative stuff is so minor, it’s not worth mentioning and/or (b) the negative stuff involves family members who would shoot me on the spot should I air their dirty laundry (even though it involves me and I’d never reveal their identity). ha.
My list? I think I’m gonna have to write my own post about this. =)
I love this post! So many blogs I read consist of how perfect everyone’s life is and to be honest – it can be a little annoying. It used to be kind of therapeutic to see that others go through similar things as me. A couple things I don’t do: I don’t always do all the dishes- I leave a few in there. I don’t write my papers for my Master’s degree weeks beforehand- I wait until the night before.
I don’t scrub my shower ever either. Ha! Nor my baseboards or walls and RARELY my windows (and when I do it’s only because they are covered with puppy and kitty nose prints).
I definitely don’t shower every day. And sometimes not even after *every* workout. What? What?
I don’t cook dinner every night and eat toast and cereal for dinner more than I’d like to admit.
I don’t make it anywhere on time either.
Whew! That makes me feel better! While I’m not a blogger, only a reader, I work from home by watching 2 extra kids so I rarely get all my TO DOs done. Here’s a few of my DON’Ts: I don’t eat as many fruits and vegetables as I make my kids eat (and I eat way more sweets than I let them eat!), I don’t read all the non-fiction books I intend to, I don’t use the cookbooks that I just HAD to have anymore because I like Tasty Kitchen so much better.
I love Simple Mom too! I found it really interesting to see all of the comments. Now I don’t feel bad at all for not bathing my kids except every other day. My “Don’t” confessions:
I don’t change my kids pajamas every night.
I don’t spend nearly as much time reading actual books as I do reading blogs!
I LOVE this! I’ve recently taken a few blogs out of my reader because of exactly this – they’re relatively new moms and everything is all sunshine and rainbows and looks so great, and I just got sick of the “perfect-ness” of it all.
I only shower when I need to wash my hair (which is every other day so not too bad, but still). I try to blog four times a week (I used to be a strict Monday-through Friday kind of girl and sometimes on weekends), and if I’m really tired and not sure what to write about, I don’t force it, and I NEVER go to bed early enough.
You’ve inspired a post for me as well!
I am loving the I Don’t Bathe Gabe More Than Twice a Week! I have three kids and they all bathe and wash heads Saturday night (since church is the next morning and all)but otherwise it’s hit or miss and depends really on how dirty they get and what went on that day. Especially the baby– I am forever wiping down her hands, feet, and face all throughout the day (I use a mix of water, lavendar oil, and tea tree oil with a shot of soap)so that’s how I justify not giving her
I don’t have a clean kitchen, EVER. I made cookies and cupcakes on Saturday….it’s still all in the sink. I don’t vacuum regularly, I don’t wash my sheets or bath towels regularly either. I NEVER mop the kitchen/bathroom floor and rarely sweep them. I don’t clean the shower/tub EVER because I shower once a week and my husband showers daily, sadly he doesn’t clean it either and I think this apartment might be condemned if someone saw the state of our shower/tub.
Phew. Thank you for that. I could write you a whole list of things that I don’t do (maybe another post for NaBloPoMo this month?!) and I feel relieved that you’re not “perfect” either.
Of course, we put our best faces forward in the blogosphere…. it seems like the natural thing to do, but it’s also nice to once in a while show that we’re human, that we struggle with things and that we’re not perfect (even if our blog is).
I love posts like these. I read a lot of blogs that are more honest and open and raw than pretending perfection, but it’s always nice to read how REAL other people are. I can’t be anything BUT honest with my life and my struggles on my blog. Sometimes, I actually have to step away and say, “No. The Internet does NOT need to know EVERYTHING.” :)
Lovely post!
I sweep/mop under the couch rarely. I never dust.
I don’t mop my kitchen floor more than once a year. The same goes for vacuuming. Oh, and I don’t know how to spell vacuum without auto correct.
I LOVE this post! I don’t think the internet has shown me the humanness of others. I feel most blogs show a polished, styled life. I see many bloggers beginning their post by apologizing for venting. We can have bad days without needing to apologize for them.
Thanks for the inspiration! I couldn’t wait to post my own list on my blog: http://blog.lehighvalleylive.com/parenthood/2011/11/things_i_dont_do_list_is_liber.html
haha this is great! I have such an embarrassingly long list of don’ts:
I don’t do my own laundry
I don’t cook
I don’t wash my car
I don’t clean my bathroom (I mean I clean up after myself, but my dad cleans the house from top to bottom every friday)
why? because my parents take care of all of that for me. I said it was embarrassing but it’s true.
I dont do so many of things that you don’t do, it makes me glad to know that there are others out there like us! =)
I don’t vacuum or mop nearly enough.
I don’t clean the toilets weekly like my mom says you MUST.
I don’t watch my language like I should.
I don’t wash my car, I barely get an oil change a year.
That felt good.
This is awesome. Just so you know :)
I don’t leave the tv off when I work from home some days.
I don’t finish all my projects on time.
I don’t stick to the budget that I set forth for myself and Knight.
I don’t let go of things easily… and I don’t stop worrying at times and about certain situations.
I don’t blog some of the real stuff going on in my life because I don’t know how to explain it (and because maybe I shouldn’t?)
I don’t have perfectly even-kieled emotional days.
I’m a long time lurker, but couldn’t resist I love this post! I easily get sucked in feeling like I need to be perfect when reading other blogs, but yes most people only highlight the best.
For me:
I also don’t bathe my son more than once or twice a week.
I don’t take my dogs for walks unless the weather is nice
I don’t sweep my floors hardly ever
I haven’t exercised since going back to work
I haven’t flossed since my son was born
I have already caved and bought jarred baby food (organic at least) I don’t have time to make my own all the time.
I don’t make new stuff for dinner even though I have tons of recipes saved.
I could go on forever, but will stop here =)
love this post (as always) ashley!
I love this post. I even did one of my own on my blog. :) It’s nice to see that fellow bloggers aren’t as perfect as we might think!
I’m so glad you ignore Gabe a little too long since I do that too. At new mom’s group this week everyone was complaining about how long their husbands’ let their babies fuss and I felt so guilty. Also I can go months without washing my sheets, bras (not lately since I leak in them but in the pre-leakage era) and 2 pairs of jeans I wear daily. Also, PB & J has been my go-to dinner lately.
Hey! I’ve been trying to comment here for two days, and it’s finally letting me!
I think this is an awesome post. You’re so right, it’s so easy to fall into believe everyone else is perfect, and that, if only I was perfect too…
On that note, I don’t:
-Run nearly as often as I would like. It’s really out of lack of motivation entirely.
-Have anything even close to resembling good “sleep hygiene”
– wash my face most nights
– Make nearly enough phone calls, nor do I reply to emails anywhere quickly enough. I have recently realized that I’m apparently only good at the most superficial forms of communication (Twitter/FB.) I
-Study very often, certainly no where near as often as a grad student should.
– Remain calm & cool headed when I’m offended/my feelings are hurt by my SO, no matter how many times I promise myself to change. I’m really bad at not escalating a fight when I feel like I’m being wronged. I don’t calm down easily.
I most definitely don’t shower daily, and if Eric didn’t do most of Hannah’s bath, she probably wouldn’t take very many! I don’t always drink enough water; I don’t always edit my own pictures; I don’t always remember to switch the diaper loads fast enough.
Perfection is overrated.