When Gabe was two months old, I started back to work. (I’d actually quit my job and started back to a new job). For the past 3.5ish years, child care has been the key factor in my ability to work. Affordable, dependable child care is hard to find. As I look to the rest of the year and summer and the second child we’re hopefully adding to the mix, one of the biggest worries I have is child care.
How We’ve Figured Out Child Care
So far, we’ve used a patchwork of child care solutions:
– I first worked at Starbucks, where I could set my hours around Mike’s class/work schedule completely. This generally involved getting up at 4:30 am, being at work by 5:30 and getting home before lunch.
– My mom watched Gabe one day a week when I started my job at the school and planned the rest of my schedule around Mike’s.
– After a few months of that, Mike and I were able to plan our schedules together to be a child care jigsaw puzzle where we’d trade off working and watching Gabe and our one car in a mostly seamless, if not precarious, daily schedule.
– When we both work from home, we set up another elaborate childcare jigsaw puzzle where the who’s-in-charge-of-Gabe boundaries are clearly stated.
– Now that I’m exclusively working from home, I do the bulk of my work while Gabe is at preschool and aftercare for 15 hours a week. The last few hours (I aim to work about 20 a week) are done on weekends and evenings and nap or screen time. I do nothing but work when I’m home alone working. I save cleaning and working out for when Gabe is home. I don’t try to get much work done when he’s home and awake – it’s a futile effort and I end up not successfully focusing on work or him.
There have been a lot of benefits to Mike sharing in child care, most notably: he feels competent and things feel rather balanced when it comes to child rearing. I think him getting a lot of one-on-one time at home with Gabe with me out of the house has been essential for us as a couple and for co-parenting.
This is absolutely a benefit to Mike having been in grad school for the first 3 years of Gabe’s life. There have been a lot of sacrifices, but having him play such an active role in childcare has been nothing short of wonderful.
What’s Next
With the arrival of our second baby this summer, things get tricky. Mike will be doing a full-time internship with inflexible hours and we’ll, um, have a baby.
The options are:
– Send both kids to a daycare for 2-3 days a week. Have Mike drop them off and pick them up. (Might be expensive and kids will probably get sick more often. Nice to not have to deal with drop off/pick up, but still makes for hectic mornings.)
– Keep Gabe at his preschool and hope this baby lets me work from home during those hours. (Most affordable and Gabe loves his school. But risky if the baby is more needy. Plus, juggling drop off and pick up with one car.)
– Hire someone to come over and watch both kids while I work in my bedroom. (More expensive, but also less logistically difficult with cars and getting kids ready. And I wouldn’t have to pump! But perhaps crazy in a 1200 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment?)
– Do all of my work on nights and weekends when Mike is home. (Not so good for family time, likely to get compromised often. But free!)
Working from home and working part-time is my ideal, but it hasn’t come without tricky child care solutions.
I love talking to other working moms about child care and how they make it work! What works for you?
In the past few months I’ve started freelancing. My kids are preschool/1st grade, but I end up with only about 6 hours a week where they’re both in school. So I’ve been largely working at nights and on weekends. It’s a fine temporary solution, but it also has me counting the days until this project is done because there isn’t much time that’s my own. Scratch that. There’s NO time that’s my own. My husband takes the kids all weekend and I miss everything. For a temporary solution it’s fine, but if this were a permanent gig, we would have to talk about extending preschool hours, or bringing in someone to hang out with the kids for a couple of hours a couple of day a week.
I work from home as a medical transcriptionist and I also do some freelance writing – and I do 98% of my work in the evenings and on weekends. I need quiet for both jobs so there’s no point in trying to get anything done when the kids are awake unless my husband is home! My “office” is in the corner of the kitchen in our tiny condo so if I have to do a phone interview, Nathan takes the kids out for a bit to make sure I’m not dealing with a tantrumming three-year-old or a fussy baby while I’m trying to be professional! Right now, I typically work four evenings and one weekend afternoon or evening each week and you’re right, it DOES cut into family time, and it DOES get compromised quite often! It’s also exhausting, since I’m usually working until 11 or 12 on the evenings I do work! I would love to have childcare for two or three mornings/week so I could focus on work on those days and focus on the kids the rest of the time but at this point, it’s just not in the budget! So we make evenings/weekends work the best we can :)
I’m not sure what daycare is like near you but near me sending 2 kids 2-3 days a week would cost more than hiring a babysitter. I like the school/structure of daycare but in your case i might try a babysitter first because it would be more flexible?
I’m headed back to work in a few weeks and my mom will be watching Max full time. I’m so thankful she is willing to do this but I’m still worried about the logistics and if I’m ever going to sleep again, lol.
I know what you mean about the importance of Mike having time with Gabe. I think it ended up being a blessing that I had a tough recovery as far as Max and Eric bonding time :)
Ah, the joys of child care. We went through h-e-l-l for months trying to find care for our daughter, and our situation now is the best we could come up with. My mom watches her 4 days a week (hubby and I both work full-time), and then I work from home on Fridays. It’s a bit of driving since my parents live close to an hour away, but after some of our experiences, having a grandparent watch our little miss was the solution. Good luck with figuring out yours – it’s never any fun!
I work 20 hours a week outside the home. My mom and Abe each watch Ellie about 10 hours a week. We’ll probably have to do preschool in the mornings once Ellie gives up her naps, since Abe works nights and needs that time to sleep.
We are “trying out” an au pair this year. Not exactly a small commitment because you pay up-front for the year and then you have to adjust to someone living with you. Maybe not the best for you in a 1200 sq ft apartment. But that’s what we do in order to both work full-time outside the home. Two young kids in daycare would be way more expensive than our au pair.
You are a SAINT for cobbling together GREAT childcare for Gabe so far. I’d probably lose my mind if I were in your shoes – the having to figure it out, adjust as people’s schedules change, etc. That’s why I’m incredibly thankful for our full time daycare – not only do we know Gavin is well cared for everyday of the week, but it’s also only a few blocks from home, which means Sweets can participate in pick-up (it’s on his walk home from the train) and I can walk Gavin to school on the days I work from home. IDEAL. (Though, the price tag is far from ideal. We keep asking our 17 year old truck to make it a few more years, so we can avoid a car payment on top of childcare payments.)
One side note comment on full time daycare and germs. Yes, there are germs, lots of them. Gavin was sick a lot in the first 6 months he was at the daycare. BUT … since then? He’s been INCREDIBLY healthy. We took him to the doctor a total of ZERO times between his 2 yr and 3 yr checkups. Generally speaking, I believe (not sure if it’s founded in science or just by observation of the people I know) that daycare kids don’t get as sick as often in the long-run of early childhood. Then again, you and Mike have to decide what works best for your family in terms of work, time together, money, convenience, etc. And I know, no matter what you decide, those kids will continue to be surrounded by love!
My kid is in full time daycare also and gotta admit, the first year it felt like she was sick ALL. THE. TIME. But the last 6 months have been much better, and my friends with older kids say that when they started kindergarten, the non daycare kids were all out sick while the daycare kids were fine. I think for the most part, your kid is going to get sick at some point, whenever they enter daycare/school.
True! I guess it scares me more to have an infant get really sick all the time than an older kid? But sick kids who don’t sleep are pretty much terrible at any point. ;)
Well I am not working right NOW, but when I was, daycare all the way. BUT, I was in an office job where I had to be there M-F, 9-5, so there was no real work around. I don’t live in a place where nanny-shares are very prevalent (and nannies are expensive on their own and also I wanted to social interaction for her too), so daycare was really the only option. When I was working from home, she stayed in daycare because while I was at home, I was answering to someone(s) in an office M-F, 9-5 and let me tell ya, that kind of sucked (the job too ;-) It was so annoying getting up and getting us ready, driving her to daycare, and then…coming right back home. Even though her school is in our smallish town, it would take 40 minutes round trip to get to and from (damn city streets), so it was like, geez, at this rate I could just be commuting to a damn office, you know? Save some of my sanity. Anyhoooo, this comment is long enough! I hope you guys figure out a workable option — I know you will :-)
40 minutes round trip twice a day? I would be bitter. I hate wasting time commuting!
Plus, I’d be all tempted to stay in my PJs…
JUST LEAN IN, ASHLEY!
Totally kidding, I don’t even have kids, but I’m fascinated by this kind of discussion!
I am reading this after my sitter cancelled, roughly 12 hours before she was supposed to come watch the kids so my husband could go to work while I’m out of town for work. Blergh.
What works for us: a sitter who comes to the house so I can leave and go to work one day a week. The other evening that I work, my husband is totally on-duty.
We have friends who share a nanny with another family- so the nanny has three kids, total. My friend said that once word got out that they were hiring a nanny, they had several people ask if they could “share”. This keeps their costs down.
Oh, that is so frustrating! :( I hope you guys figured something out.
I love hearing how people make it work – thanks for sharing. :)
I have been working full time from day one, but during my son’s first 4 years, I worked 2 days in the office and 3 days from home. The office days my mom watched him, which was great (although I had to pay her — because in order for her to do this, she went from FT to PT work, so she needed the extra $$). The 3 days from home, I winged it alone. My son wasn’t particularly needy, but as an infant, he was colicky and really only slept in arms, so it was a tough stretch of time. I did alot of my focused work at night (even though I was signed on and responding to emails and such all day). So essentially I worked around the clock, which wasn’t easy and if I had to do it all over again, I would see if I could swing someone to come over for 2 hours or something, just to get a break. But I didn’t try that…
Once past the infancy stage, he was very low key and miraculously amenable to a mom on a laptop. I also gave a lot of one-on-one time, and I used to even leave the house for a stretch of time to get together with other moms/kids (for “lunch hour”), or go to the park, etc. In other words, we didn’t stay indoors all day long, with me facing a computer screen. I probably worked more hours than anyone in the office did, but that’s because #1 I overcompensated in the hopes no one would say “this isn’t working out and #2 because I did take lots of breaks throughout the day.
Once he started school, I am back in the office every day. I miss those days at home. I miss pretending I was a stay at home mom :-) It was really really tough. But I’m glad I was able to swing it.
That is amazing! I haven’t heard many people who’ve been able to successful work from home with a kid!
I paid my mom, too, when she watched Gabe. Because she insisted that child care should never be free for work. (It was only $1/hour, so…barely enough to notice, and I was totally fine doing it!) But the worst part was adding 30 minutes to my commute each way to get him to her!
My husband and I both work and try to look after our little one as much as possible ourselves. She goes to day care 3 hours a day (15 hours a week, like Gabe) and we juggle our work to fit around any inflexible work schedules. We love looking after our girl, spending time with her and watch her grow. It is very tiring/demanding, but there is also a satisfaction and lots of happiness in doing this.
I agree! From a cost perspective, part-time child care is also nicer. ;)
I work full-time, M-F 8 hour days and my husband is a full time student (with sort of flex schedule, doesn’t go in until 2pm 2 days a week and off maybe half of the Fridays). So we managed for awhile with my mom watching our son M, T &W, and going to a lady that watched kids in her house for 1 and a half days a week. During the summer we opted for my husband to stay home with him vs. working for many reasons, 1 is the bonding time they had. But now he is 15 months and he is starting day care full time. My mom and her husband have a stand at the WSM and she needs to start working there more often, and we really feel it is time for him to have a more structured routine, as well as consistent outside play time. It is expensive, but for us, at this time, we feel it is the best decision for him.
Good luck in whatever decision you make! The best part is, you can always do something different if it doesn’t work out.
I think daycare is really fantastic for toddlers – the social aspect is nice and the routine aspect is great! I wished often that we could put Gabe in daycare a few days a week…even though it didn’t make financial sense to since we could make our schedules work to fit around him. It’s a great choice! If only it were more affordable!
Hi Ashley
I have been a lurker on your blog (btw, love it!) and thought of commenting on this post. Childcare was one of our main concerns when we found out we were having a baby (now, 6.5 months). My hubby and I both work in software and computer industry and have full time jobs. For the first 5 months, my mom was with us, visiting from India and she happily looked after the baby. At 6 months, we started him on day care.. he did cry the first 2 days there, but has adjusted very well now and seems really happy to be there. My husband drops him off and goes to work a little late at around 10 so that he gets morning playtime with the baby. I go to work really early (around 7-8) and pick up the baby from day care early at around 3.30 so that I can get some playtime with him in the evening. Figuring out a routine that worked for all of us was the biggest challenge. Daycare was the only option for us as we dont have any family here and we were not really comfortable with the nanny option.
I love that! It’s so neat to hear how different families make it work – it’s so nice that you guys can take him late and pick him up early to maximize time with him. Thanks for sharing.
For Sebastian’s first year, Bryan worked full time while I had an extremely part-time/mostly work-from-home job as a videographer. I thought it would be SO IDEAL. I could mostly work from home, and it was less than 20 hours a week, so I could still mostly be a SAHM. AND my work let me bring Sebastian into the office and out on video shoots with me most of the time! I thought it would be so perfect.
BUT it turned out that bringing him into the office got to be really difficult once he was mobile, and working at home was impossible unless he was asleep, which meant I was working until 2 a.m. sometimes, which I didn’t like.
Now, I work full time out of the home as a TV news producer and Bryan is a stay-at-home dad, and it works pretty beautifully. My job is pretty demanding, so it’s nice to know that I don’t ever have to worry about childcare falling through. And it allows us to take time off whenever we want without having to worry about his schedule. And we can pick up and move any time we want without affecting his career. Switching roles was a little bit of work, but it’s actually made us really empathetic to the other’s struggles. It’s nice not to have to worry about juggling schedules or anything.
I think it’s so helpful when you can empathize with each other that way – to have both experiences is SO useful for your marriage and for your sanity.
ugh i wish staying home was an option for me right now, but it’s not. however, we’re fortunate that when i return to work, my sister and sisters-in-law will be splitting childcare duties. I’m excited that B will grow up with her cousins, but have apprehensions too (don’t want family to resent us, want to respect their time and schedules and not take advantage, etc etc). Overall for me personally though I prefer it to daycare and it will be much cheaper, so I’m glad I have the option…for now anyway!
I have an office job (as does my husband) so both of our kids are in day care full-time. It’s what works best for us. If I was able to work 15-20 hours a week from home, I think it might be tricky to get work done with a toddler and a baby. You never know what your baby will be like – some might sleep in long stretches while others may only take short naps. I’d love to just be a SAHM, but our son loves his day care and interaction with other kids too much to take that away from him. Granted, I do miss them, but love that they’ll both be fairly independent.
The greatest challenges with childcare are for single parents or those who have no family. What do you do when your husband can’t or won’t help with the children or parents and in-laws live out of town? Trying to raise a family on one paycheck and pay for childcare can be a lose, lose. There are, however, ways to get help with child care cost. You have to know where to look.
It would be so hard to try to balance work and home life, but it sounds like you were able to fit it all together. With good child care, it is possible to juggle a job and work, which is what my mom did. We could not have done anything without the good babysitter that helped out twice a week while she was in the office!
It seems like you’re in a tricky situation. I haven’t had to juggle work and kids like that quite yet, especially not with a newborn on the way. I personally probably wouldn’t be willing to send my child to a daycare if they were less than a year or two old, but sending your older one to his preschool or a daycare might be nicer for you. I hope you have everything figured out!
I like that daycare can provide a pretty good structure for your kids. That is awesome that if you needed you can get a daycare for full time. I may have to look into the local daycare options that are in my area.
Choosing a correct daycare center for your child involves asking plenty of questions and being observant. Start your search at least six months before. Also a good daycare center should have a welcoming, friendly atmosphere and be known for its nurturing environment too.
I think that making sure that any potential daycare is clean and welcoming is the most important thing to look out for. While having a clean, open facility doesn’t guarantee that your child will be well taken care of, it is a good start. Taking reputation, cleanliness, and the facilities at a potential daycare into account can help you choose the right place for you and your child. Thanks for all the tips and for sharing all the great information!
I’m starting work again in a few weeks which is exciting, but I’m terribly concerned about my childcare situation. It’s good to hear about what you have done to work around this delicate situation. I’ve hired someone to come and stay with my toddler while I’m at work but it’s quite expensive and I don’t know if I can keep it up for long. I’ll consider some of the other options you have listed. Thanks for the advice!
In order to learn, a young child needs to feel cared for and secure with a teacher or caregiver. A 3-year-old child is able to spend time away from parents and build trusting relationships with adults outside the family.
Totally agree with the author. Taking care of kids is not easy at all and a lot of things to learn. I am quite busy with my work, however, I always try my best to have time with my children. That should be better instead of leaving them play with others. Thanks for sharing!
Totally agreeing with you. Taking care of children is not easy job at all. As I have to spend much of time to care for my kids. But when they start going to school, it will be more flexible. Thanks for sharing!
It’s a journey. Everyday you’ll find new things that you need to do. But you will love it.
Toddlers can benefit from the chance to socialize with other children, which they may not get to do as often or at all when a nanny or a relative cares for them at home.
Staff members at good centers are usually trained in early childhood education so they know what to expect from your child developmentally and are able to nurture his growing skills accordingly.
Hi Ashley !!
Great share !!
More moms than ever are in the workforce. Being a full-time working mother can lead to feelings of guilt and stress because of divided attention between work and family. The key is to focus on a plan, get organized, and find the right balance between profession and parenthood.These are some really great suggestions to help you choose a daycare center; thanks for sharing them! I would have never thought to ask about staff turnover, especially since there are so many other concerns that may seem more important.
Keep posting !!
Daycare centers include a nice mix of activities during the day to teach different skills, such as singing, dancing, and storytelling.
Staff members at good centers are usually trained in early childhood education so they know what to expect from your child developmentally and are able to nurture his growing skills accordingly.
Until your baby can talk, you will be relying on what the caregiver tells you about your child’s day. Make sure you can communicate comfortably with each other. When you first hand off your child in the morning, you should tell the caregiver how your little one slept the night before, if he is teething, and whether he ate breakfast.
Toddlers can benefit from the chance to socialize with other children, which they may not get to do as often or at all when a nanny or a relative cares for them at home.
When you’re visiting a potential site, pay attention to how the staff interacts with the children. Ideally, a caregiver should be on the floor playing with the kids or holding one on her lap. In their early years, babies need close, loving, interactive relationships with adults in order to thrive.
If you’re considering a center, find out how long the current caregivers have been working there and how much turnover the center usually experiences.
In the rapidly changing, complex and dynamic world we’re living in today, our future generations need to be well grounded in numeracy, literacy and be comfortable with exploring their ideas and natural curiosity. A good childcare service will harness that energy and offer a wide range of activities to develop their skills from their earliest years.
Totally agree with the author. Taking care of kids is not easy at all and a lot of things to learn. I am quite busy with my work, however, I always try my best to have time with my children.
Such an awkward point in everyone’s lives. I was blessed with being able to work for my dad during the early years of my parenthood.
Great post. thanks for the tips.
Cheers Penny…
Excellent. Absolutely loved reading and very helpful at the same time :)
That binder is everything! I love that it’s tailored to your specific goals. Lately, so much of my plans/ideas/goals just fly away because there’s so much going on, and I go into panic mode and just stick to what’s essential. But I think with a planner like that, it would just take some organization (and early mornings to myself!) to get things in order. Thanks for the inspiration! :)
Starting your daycare center represents short-term and long-term challenges. A lot of preparation and execution goes into operating a daycare that enjoys continued success.